You hear about it almost everywhere, from the local coffee shop and your favorite grocery store to the church pews and the political campaigns. It’s the only thing that can keep our species alive yet it’s often whispered about like it’s the worst thing a person can do. The act is forbidden in many cultures while being celebrated in many others. It’s sex, and it’s coming to a theater near you – literally. The prevalence of sexually related content in the mainstream media is, some think, evidence of our collective liberation from dogmatic oppression. Still others find it a pejorative reminder of our coming demise. I just think that a lot of people don’t know enough about the great Humpty Dumpty at this point – and I’m not talking about the one who fell off the wall.
Modern society likes to believe it has a good grasp on what healthy sexuality means, but there’s a lot of misinformation floating around in the world and it’s not doing us any favors. People shyly talk about the topic like it’s a morbidly hilarious family secret, and that has lead to an entire generation of sexually active adults who have little clue about what’s supposed to go down behind closed doors. Folks get together without having proper amounts of knowledge, bump uglies with each other for a little while, and then expire in the relationship because it becomes unsatisfying. With today’s most common cause of divorce being a lack of decent orgasms, we simply can’t afford to let this shit continue. These are the things nobody tells you about sex and masturbation.
What Is Sex?
The act of sex can be defined in many ways depending on the person you’re talking to. Based on what the dictionaries say, a consensual sex act is one that involves procreation between a man and a woman wherein the penis is inserted into the vagina, mouth or anus for the purposes of personal pleasure and eventual ejaculation. However, all modern-day adults know that intercourse can occur between two people of the same gender, so some dictionaries may need to update their annuls. Either way, carnal knowledge can be performed in many ways, from slow and passionate to fast and hardcore. In fact, it’s one of the last remaining art forms that can be completely customized by the participants.
Who Does It and Why?
Lovemaking – that’s what a lot of people call it. Sex goes by many names and is enjoyed by many people from all walks of life. We refer to it as “the congress”, “copulation”, and “relations”, but those words don’t do it justice because sexual intercourse, or coupling, is a completely subjective activity that beckons more creativity than that. Regardless of our inability to properly describe the act, sex is something that makes the world go ‘round, which is why so many people love doing it.
Don’t believe me? Here are the fine folks who enjoy it the most (and why):
- Men
It’s no secret that men enjoy having sex on a regular basis but there seems to be evidence that it’s a genetic thing. Studies suggest that the average guy thinks about fucking at least 19 times per day, meaning there’s no shortage of libido-crazed dudes looking for a good time. Of course, that’s probably not news to anybody reading this. - Women
On the other hand, some people might find it interesting to know that women think about sex almost as much as men (if not more in some cases). The female orgasm wasn’t even heard of until well after the sexual revolution, but the sex toy industry has made up for lost time in a very big way. Now, there are female-centric porn performances, specialized pleasure devices, and sensation enhancing products all over the world – just like the fellas. - Couples
It takes two to tango but not all couples are down with pound town. The lack of a decent sex life can cause tremendous rifts in an otherwise good relationship, accounting for a significant portion of the divorces and breakups we see today. Therefore, it’s not only important but also (thankfully) a staple in modern-day adult unions involving two people with any amount of libido. - Trainees
They say practice makes perfect, which is probably why a lot of people view sexual activity as a great way to do things like increase their performance stamina, lose weight and boost their cardiovascular health. Rigorous coitus can burn up to 200 calories in one 30-minute session, plus regular ejaculation can enhance endurance both in and out of the bedroom. - Performers
Today’s XXX movie industry is worth billions of dollars, with fans from every country paying homage to their favorite stars. Those clever porn performers got it figured out, don’t they? Get paid for having amazing sex with hot, well-endowed professionals? Sign me up. Their expertise is entertaining and, in many cases, a public service for those who wouldn’t know how to fuck otherwise.
Obviously, everyone loves doing the hanky-panky and there are a lot of good reasons for it. No matter where you stand, it’s still important to educate yourself on the lesser-known facts because being interesting at parties is awesome and nobody like a prude. Speaking of prudish perspectives, I think this is a good time to talk about jerking off. Don’t be such a square. At this point, I’m convinced that the Amish community has better sex than all of us.
What Is Masturbation?
They say that behind every masturbation is an excellent imagination and most people would wholeheartedly agree. Thanks to remarkable industry advancements and technological innovations, however, folks don’t have to rely solely on their wet dreams anymore. Regardless, it’s crucial that we all understand the difference between manual masturbation, mutual masturbation and straight-up sex because it matters when we formulate an opinion. I suppose the best place to start is with our beloved dictionaries’ take on one of the world’s most ancient of pastimes. Here’s how the best sources describe it:
“Masturbation is an act that involves stimulation of the genitals [with one’s own hand] for the purposes of immediate sexual pleasure.”
Needless to say, choking your chicken is a good thing and it causes little to no harm to the participants if it done in a safe and responsible way. Mutual masturbating involves the act with two or more people and it often includes the use of a sex toy, or marital aid (usually in the shape of the partner’s missing genitals). However, the good part about masturbation is that it’s even more customizable than sex due to the fact that the other lover usually isn’t there.
Who Does It and Why?
What’s the point in having a partner if you’re just going to pleasure yourself? That’s a really good question, actually. In fact, that very same belief is the one that typically causes struggling relationships to go completely down the drain. Healthy amounts of self-gratification are extremely beneficial to a person’s physical, mental and emotional well-being. Think of it this way: How happy can someone be if their happiness is always contingent upon what someone else does? Contentment is severely limited at that point, but masturbating puts the power back into your own hands, literally.
I’m not the only one sees it this way either. Sex experts, doctors and relationship therapists back me up 100%. You’re not a gross weirdo if you want to badger the witness on a regular basis, and it’s not a problem in your relationships as long as you’re able to perform for your partner when the time comes. Here are five groups of people who agree:
- Men
You’ve probably heard it said 886 times by now, but men truly enjoy beating their meat. Some doctors even suggest that the average man needs to ejaculate a certain number of times per month to be healthy. Meanwhile, psychologists swear up and down that nearly all guys do it. The saying goes, “90% of men masturbate and the other 10% are lying.” Either way you look at it, the boys seem to be leading the pack in this regard. - Women
Believe it or not, women enjoy self-pleasure more than most people realize. Female masturbation is a habit that’s swiftly on the rise, with more pussy-powered sex toys on the market than ever before in the history of (wo)mankind. Thanks to the society’s gradual adjustments to their perspectives on the female orgasm, the act is no longer uncommon or unacceptable for a woman. In fact, I’m pretty sure the XXX industry has made a ton of money from filming that exact thing. More on that later. - Couples
Yes, couples jerk off together sometimes. You haven’t heard of that? It used to be called heavy petting, but today it’s referred to as “mutual masturbation” and, to me, that sounds so much more sophisticated. Couples masturbation can lead to bigger and better things; it pre-moistens and/or pre-hardens the genitals while relaxing muscles and making penetration more exciting. It’s like having a bunch of finger-licking foreplay, only this time it can serve as a stand-alone activity that doesn’t lead to sex if that’s what you desire. - Trainees
Part of being in a relationship is being able to perform properly for your partner. However, that’s easier said than done for some people, especially those who are suffering from erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation. Fortunately, well-planned masturbation (plus some effective techniques and some decent equipment, of course) can help a person improve his or her approach in the bedroom through things like naturally decreased performance anxieties, increased familiarity with one’s own body, improved sexual stamina and better recovery times. - Performers
As mentioned, masturbation has become somewhat of a performance art piece in some circles. It’s not only used for instructional purposes but it’s also enjoyed for vicarious arousal, especially when it involves women. Porn stars and amateur performers put their kids through college with fervent self-pleasure, meaning it’s good for our economy to encourage the behavior as much as possible. On the bright side, our society has embraced the idea of shared orgasms and now we have virtual reality sex toys that can put us right on the front lines without requiring us to leave our house.
It should be obvious by now that just about everyone is banging their drum to a different beat. We can’t keep putting people to shame because they touch their own bodies for the purposes of pleasure, especially not when their purpose also involves self-improvement and relationship therapies. Sex and masturbation should, therefore, not be attached to some stupid stigma that keeps them secretive and taboo. Dare I say that another sexual revolution is in the works?
Society’s Skewed View on Pleasure throughout History
A lot of people won’t tell you this (because most of them don’t know about it), but sex acts of all kinds used to be performed publicly as part of esoteric spiritual rituals involving two or more factions vying for authority. The reason was because those people understood the power of the orgasm, with items like the Egyptian ankh created to act as tuning forks/conductors for the energies being released. The word “sex” is actually an acronym that stands for “sacred energy exchange,” and it seems that our ancestors respected that fact more than many of us do today. Interestingly, even the less esoteric factions of mankind revered sexual activity as a gateway to God himself.
Meanwhile, men and women were busy taking matters into their own hands by fashioning various pleasure products out of common items in nature. Archaeologists recently uncovered mounds of buried dildos that were crafted out of carved stone, chalk and animal bones. They also found out that old loaves of bread and olive oil were frequently used as makeshift vaginas and assholes in what would become the world’s very first fifi. Phallic statues and monuments are still erect all over the globe today, eternally paying homage to a time when we were more in tune with our sexuality. Unfortunately, the Dark Ages plunged us all back into a much sadder way of life, with creative sexual activity suddenly being viewed as heretical behavior.
Plagues and famines drove people into desperation as they tried to preserve what was left of their population. The church and lawmakers eventually followed suit to keep control of the masses. Chaos ensued. Soon, our relatives had policies outlawing a wide range of very specific acts in the bedroom, with anal sex and recreational orgasms being the first ones on the chopping block. It was taught that procreation was the only reason for two human beings to be intimate with each other, thus began the secrecy, the breakdown of the modern family unit, and the death of sacred femininity/masculinity (as well as everything that came with both).
What we lost in the fire was tremendous and we’re still feeling the repercussions today. For years, our species more or less forgot about the sensational magic that happens when a well-timed orgasm occurs. And while it’s probably a good thing that we don’t practice our acts in open public forums anymore, most of us secretly wish the stigma on sexuality would be permanently lifted so we could experience the stuff of legends for ourselves. So far, various liberation movements have allowed our culture to retrieve some of what was set aflame in our previous panic, but it seems like much of our collective apprehension is here for the long-haul.
All the way up until the sexual revolution of 1960's, the female orgasm was considered a fictional fairy tale. It was so bad that women had to get dildos and vibrators through a prescription from their family doctor for things like insomnia, hysteria, and frustration. Gee, I wonder what made them so frustrated, doc. It’s obvious that we still have a long way to go, ladies and gentlemen. And chances are, you’ve been lied to about sex and masturbation at least once in your lifetime.
15 Things Nobody Tells You about Sex and Masturbation
The sad part about all of this “sex and masturbation” business is that we don’t just have to fight back against the lies we’re told as children, but we also have to combat blatant secrecy and ignorance on a mass scale. Globally, there are as many views on sexuality as there are stars in the sky, but the facts cannot be disputed. The truth shall set you free, boys and girls. The school of sex and self-pleasure is now in session.
*For the record, your palms with not grow hairy and you won’t go blind if you jerk off on a Sunday. Those are myths from the depths of hell, so let’s get that shit straight right now.
Your life experiences and beliefs may be different and your scope of knowledge may be broad, but I’ll bet there’s at least one fact mentioned below that you and/or your partner don’t know. These are the 15 things nobody tells you about sex and masturbation:
- “Soaking” Still Counts as Sex
According to the dictionary’s definition of sexual contact which involves the penetration of genitals for a wide variety of purposes, the relatively uncommon practice of soaking is still considered to be a form of sex/masturbation. Contrary to popular belief, it does not keep a person chaste and the hymen can still be broken. Soaking the penis involves fully inserting it into the vagina or anus then leaving it there to rest without thrusting. So basically, it’s the same as having intercourse without all the fun. Don’t be fooled into thinking this is a legitimate way to stay a virgin. It’s not. - The Smells. Oh, God. The Smells
Have you ever heard someone say, “It smells like sex in here”? Most likely, it was right after you got done blowing a load, am I right? That’s because sexual activity, especially the ones that end in an ejaculatory release, can result in a very distinctive aroma. Experts say it’s because of the mixture of pH balances in a man and woman’s body – semen being alkaline with a high pH and the vagina being acidic with a low pH. What I’m trying to say is this: Prepare yourself for an onslaught of scents when you do the nasty and remember that personal hygiene won’t always take care of the problem for you. - Nobody Is Pretty Afterwards
I don’t care how many romantic comedies you’ve watched where a couple makes passionate love then lays in bed chatting shyly and flirting, nobody looks or acts like that when they get done having sex. That’s why we pay good money to see it in the movies. It’s more likely that the experience will resemble an exorcism (if it’s done right), thus your hair/makeup will stand as evidence of that. You nor your partner will be put together as much as when the party started, so don’t act shocked when you witness smeared mascara, shifted wigs and exposed body flaws. That just means you’ve done a good job. - Having an Orgasm Isn’t Always Easy
Did you know that some people can’t have an orgasm even if they try to? It’s the effect of a somewhat rare condition known as orgasmic disorder (OD) and it affects millions of men and women all over the world. The good news is that your inability to get your partner off may not be your fault. While OD has no known cures, there are several treatments that can help get things back on an even keel. Things like psycho-sex therapy, individualized counseling, dietary changes and frequent masturbation are commonly prescribed, especially for couples struggling with the issue despite adjustments to positions and approaches. - You’re Not as Kinky as You Think
Communicating honestly with your partner won’t be nearly as hard you think once you learn this lesser-known fact: People, in general, are kinkier than you realize. According to a study done by the Kinsey Institute back in 1990 (when things weren’t nearly as relaxed as they are today), about 10% of the American population was interested or involved in a BDSM situation. Fifteen years later there was a survey conducted which revealed that 36% of all sexually active adults in the U.S. enjoyed bondage sex toys with their partners. Meanwhile, 40% of women like having anal sex and 55% of the scenes on modern-day porn productions contain butt play of some sort (with the fellas as well). - Some Positions Are Impossible without Help
Your wettest dreams are within sight but only if you admit to your physical shortcomings before it’s too late. It doesn’t matter what you see in your imagination if those visions put you and/or your partner in harm’s way. It’s better to fess up and ask for support than to injure yourself out of pride. Fortunately, there’s an entire industry containing countless pieces of sex furniture and positioning aids for that very reason. Experts estimate that nearly 30% of all emergency room visits involving preventable injuries are the cause of dangerous sex acts. Of course, few people tell the truth and even fewer take this advice. So set yourself apart by utilizing modern innovations because, quite honestly, some people can’t cum unless they’re hanging from the ceiling. - Sex Sucks When You’re Out of Shape
While body positivity is an extremely important concept, so too is health and wellness. People who don’t get enough exercise are less likely to enjoy sex and/or masturbation because of reduced muscle mass, decreased blood flow, and excessive oxidative stress. Physically fit individuals report more intense orgasms and longer-lasting lovemaking sessions, plus folks who eat a well-balanced meal tend to react to performance enhancement products more readily than those who don’t. Also, excessive weight can make you look less attractive to some partners, it can contribute to the foul smells produced during rigorous sex, and it can make your ejaculate taste nasty to a partner who’s unlucky enough to give you oral pleasure. - Penetration Doesn’t Do It for Everyone
When you’re trying your best to heat up the beef, try not to forget about the fact that internal stimulation isn’t the greatest things since sliced bread for everyone. Truth be told, a lot of women get more excited with clitoral stimulation than with penetration. Finding the g-spot can be extremely difficult for some lovers, yet many don’t fully grasp the delicacy of the clit either. In terms of optimal orgasmic stimulation, ladies usually prefer a fine fingering that focuses on the upper left side of the vaginal opening/clitoris. Direct pressure can feel like shit or even be painful for some gals. Fiddle with finesse if you know what’s good for you (or her, rather). - Someone Is Going to Queef
Nobody tells you this but queefing is a natural part of good sex and/or masturbation. A queef is what happens when air gets pushed up into the vaginal or anal canal resulting in a fart-like sound that can be sort of embarrassing if you don’t see it coming. Most newbies feel mortified when it happens and many of them stop having sex because of it, but the pros know that the acoustics are all part of the show so they’re able to finish successfully in spite of it. Granted, queefs become more common the longer you go at it but they can happen at any time. The topic is usually the brunt of a bad joke, though, so I wouldn’t do talking about it at the dinner table just yet. - The Wet Spot Is Fodder for War
Despite your best efforts to keep things clean while getting dirty, the chances of you being able to lay down and go straight to sleep after having sex or masturbating are slim to none because there’s bound to be a wet spot on the sheets. You’ve got to clean up, wipe down, and take care of some personal business before you can fly off to dreamland or snuggle the night away. Someone will have to get a towel and another will have to volunteer to sleep in the wet spot unless you have spare sheets on deck. And while you probably won’t discuss those kinds of details before attacking the crack, be ready to fight about it because sex is messy. - Switching Positions Feels Too Scripted to Be Sexy
At some point, you or your partner will desire to have sex or masturbate in a new position. It’s only natural because slamming muff in the missionary position only is for the virgins, plus it doesn’t always hit the sweet spot for everyone involved. Most people, however, find that switching from one position to another seems awkward and clumsy. Even the ancient Kama Sutra mentions the difficulty that some people face when moving around in the bedroom, so the feelings you’re having aren’t anything new. Everyone in the room can feel the tension, so get ready as quickly as you can and don’t make a big deal about it. Also, try to keep your head in the game while it’s happening because a major part of orgasm is mental. - Cumming At the Same Time Is a Miracle
She’ll be coming around the mountain when she cums but you probably won’t be. According to modern science, the average man lasts about 5 minutes in the sack while women can last up to 20 minutes before getting off. Simultaneous ejaculation is, therefore, something of a myth if you do the math. In fact, that’s why foreplay and masturbation are such an important parts of a well-balanced sex life. The extra 10 to 15 minutes of necessary prep time can be supplemented with sensual touch and sex toy use. Moral of the story: Don’t let a poorly timed event frustrate you, just schedule the session with an appreciation of natural anatomy. - Take a Piss Immediately Afterwards
Did you know that it’s essential for both you and your partner to take a bathroom break after having sex? Doctors say that a UTI is more likely to develop if you don’t empty your bladder/bowels post-coitus, especially if you engaged in anal penetration. This is very real and very important advice, yet a lot of people don’t realize how detrimental to their health it can be when they forget. And you don’t need the Love Toilet from SNL to keep the intimacy alive while being healthy. You just need a partner who respects your personal space for at least 5 to 10 minutes after getting it on so you can take care of business and get back in the game. - Size and Duration Matter, Just Not the Way You Think
No matter what a stripper tells you, bigger is not always better. Longer isn’t always stronger either. Large penises have their merits but smaller dicks have a few tricks up their sleeve as well. It’s all about reaching the g-spot/p-spot that’s hidden inside your lover’s body (unless you’re into stretching). Plus, fucking for an extended period of time (with whatever size cock) may result in things like skin irritation, boredom and nerve desensitization among other things. As a basic rule of thumb, if you can’t get your partner to ejaculate at least once every 20 to 30 minutes then you’re doing it wrong. - Your Sexual Appetites Can Change Over Time
Many people believe that old age comes with a steep reduction in sex drive, and while that may be true for some folks, it’s quite the opposite for others. Famous Hollywood stars like Mick Jagger and Robert DeNiro became fathers when they were well into their golden years, meaning sexual appetites are still very much a thing for most healthy couples. A 2017 survey revealed that people in their 80's are more satisfied with sex than their much younger counterparts. With that said, it’s important to realize that the tastes and desires which drive those appetites may change as you and your partner(s) age. What you found repulsive today might seem like the best thing ever just a few years from now, or vice versa. Keep your minds and hearts open while understanding that no two people are alike.
Unless you’re a sexual health expert (or obsessed with the human orgasm), it’s going to be virtually impossible to know everything about the topic of erotica. There are so many unique personalities on this planet and so many different ways to have sex and/or masturbate that even the professionals start scratching their heads from time to time. So, don’t feel bad if you were in the dark about most of what was just discussed here. According to surveys, people aren’t having as much sex as they say they are and their encounters aren’t nearly as intense as they describe them to be. It seems we all have room to grow and things to learn, even if we’re not ready to admit it.
Sexpert Tips to Enhance Your Orgasm
Because getting advice from friends and family can be hit or miss, and because most folks want to start having better sex right away, it’s important to get your performance tips from the experts – relationship therapists, doctors, erotic performers, experienced consumers, etc. Collectively, they have found various ways to intensify the experience for all parties involved. Their suggested techniques are both safe and effective, plus they represent yet another part of sexuality that’s seldom talked about: The Personal Perfection Process. It’s a tough job but you’ll have to face it eventually if you want to keep being sexually active in any real capacity.
As promised, here are six sexy, secret (and highly recommended) humping hacks for you and your honeybuns to try when you’re both ready to show off better O-faces:
- Revamp Your Grooming Tactics
There’s nothing better than presenting a fresh crotch to your lover and I’m sure they would agree. Proper grooming habits not only make you more attractive but they can also simplify things like oral and anal sex. The big 70's bush may be something for fetishists and old-school perverts but most people prefer their canvases freshly landscaped, if not completely bare. It’s more hygienic that way, plus it helps the voyeur enjoy a much better view of the action. - Boost Endurance in Your Downtime
Bring the thunder from down under when you practice stamina training exercises while you’re away from your partner. Increase the efficacy of your efforts by using automatic stroking/thrusting machines that allow for hands-free genital stimulation. Most of the time, you can even bring those devices into the bedroom for optimized foreplay before intercourse. In that regard, the right toy can substitute for activities your lover isn’t cool with, like deep-throat blowjobs and anal penetration. - Set Up a Scenario
A lot of people won’t admit to this but situational roleplaying is a common fantasy that we all seem to share. It can also significantly boost intimacy, creativity and excitement in an otherwise boring relationship, even if doing it is somewhat awkward at first. I’m not talking about phone sex and arousing letters either. I’m talking about full-blown scene creation, complete with costumes, webcams, location scouting and/or BDSM gear. Just discuss all intentions with your partner beforehand because I cannot be held responsible for your rejection. - Incorporate Couple’s Sex Toys
It’s always weird mentioning how much you love using sex toys, even if you’ve been sleeping with the same person for a long time. And while sneaking things into the bedroom isn’t always a good idea, most pleasure devices can be gracefully incorporated without causing alarm because of their design. Today’s best sex toys for couples use industry-leading technologies to promote togetherness in a completely new way. There are troves of VR-compatible machines equipped with Bluetooth ready teledildonics and most of them are made for long-distance couples especially. - Use Performance Enhancement Products
Science has given us many things, including countless high-end performance enhancing products that blow yesterdays options out of the water. Libido-boosting, stamina-increasing, boner-producing pills and potions are damn near everywhere these days, and you can even get doctor-approved extending devices, penis pumps and topical delay sprays without a prescription. We all suggest using the tools at your disposal because, although few people will tell you this, you’re probably not as good in bed as you think. Statistically speaking, about 20% of men and almost 39% of women say they’re unsatisfied in the bedroom. Ouch. - Try CBD Oils for Performance Anxiety and Arousal
CBD, which is the non-psychoactive component of cannabis, is now legal in all 50 states. Its use has led to the development of some pretty remarkable stuff, including specialized numbing lubricants and aphrodisiacs to help partners get in the mood. More natural and usually more enjoyable to use than traditional MEPs, cannabis-infused sex products have been shown to help with things like performance anxiety and libido, with a few formulated specifically for erectile dysfunction, vaginal dryness, PMS, and/or menopausal symptoms. The thing is, our culture’s use of CBD is so new (and taboo) in the minds of modern men and women that few people are talking about it at all, let alone discussing its many benefits in the bedroom. Consider yourself an honorary member of the Cool Kid’s Club and watch as the industry changes right before your eyes.
Final Thoughts
Orgasm improvement has been at the top of mankind’s to-do list since the beginning of time and our future looks just as perverted when you examine it with an educated eye. You’d think that after all the practice we’ve gotten as a species things would be different or that we’d all be self-taught experts on the art of love by now. However, there are so many little facts that aren’t made known to the commoner and even professionals get confused sometimes. The more you know, the better it will feel. The better it feels, the healthier you’ll become. So, don’t let bad sex and blatant misinformation reduce your quality of life for one more minute, my friends.
“They” don’t send us off to adulthood with a comprehensive education on sexuality. They teach us that STDs run rampant and that we’ll go blind if we touch ourselves. They say big dicks are every girl’s wet dream and hours-long lovemaking sessions are the only way to make a partner cum. They tell us that two opposite-sex lovers can crescendo simultaneously like they do in the movies, but the truth is that being in the mood at the same time is rare and men get off much sooner than women. Usually, some major skills and finely tuned approached are required to get the train moving. You won’t be willfully laying in puddles of your own pleasures when you’re done either. A vast majority of people fight over who gets to lay in the wet spot, so bring towels and stay prepared for a learning curve (even and especially when you expect it the least).