How to Last Longer in Bed

By Blake Parker
How to Last Longer in Bed

Afraid of openly talking about your lack of sexual stamina? I was too until I got educated. Most people need more than two pumps and a mash-down to reach orgasm, but problems with premature ejaculation affect more men than you think. Do you realize that there are over 200,000 reported cases of PE in the United States alone? Those are the measurable numbers; the amount of men still shamefully hiding in the closet is yet to be known. Untimely arrivals are seldom welcome but men have been serving up surprises since the dawn of time.

Fortunately, several treatments and behavior/lifestyle techniques have been developed over the years. Their existence is for one purpose and one purpose only: To help guys like you and me get the most bang in our britches without letting the whole world in on the secret. Between the medical treatments, the specialized enhancement products and the pleasure methods used by the pros, there’s no longer a reason for anyone to be suffering from pesky PE problems unless they’re due to an unavoidable issue like a genetic malfunction or an injury. Still afraid to speak of the devil despite learning about how common it is? Perhaps it would help to have a better understanding of the causes and effects. After all, everyone knows that an educated brain can lead to a better-behaved penis.

The Main Causes of Premature Ejaculation (PE)

Bad News: Premature ejaculation has no known cause. According to sexual health experts, however, the relatively autonomic performance inhibitor affects men of all ages. Commonly defined as a sexual disorder that plagues guys under the age of 40, nobody likes it and everybody wants it to go away. Regardless of the vague and rather pointless guidelines, and despite society’s best efforts, studies show that somewhere between 30 and 70 percent of men have experienced it at least once in their lives. Still feeling insecure? Let’s talk about the main causes before you start feeling sorry for yourself.

Based on all the research, doctors remain steadfast about PE being caused by primarily psychological issues, although physical and other factors are considered as well. The disorder is usually separated into three distinct yet sometimes overlapping categories: lifelong, acquired, and biological. For instance, some men deal with only in their glory days and others suffer through it long into their adulthood. Bouts of premature ejaculation can be acute or prolonged too, with many cases lasting several months if not years in a man’s life. And while the issue isn’t always a problem for the guy getting a quick and intense orgasm, it’s certainly not doing any favors for the poor partners left with their pussies pounding.

The well-documented, although somewhat misunderstood, causes of the problem are as follows:

LIFELONG
  • Excessive Masturbation as a Minor
    In other words, if you obsessively jerk off to sexy celebrity posters and stolen as a teenager, things can get very weird by the time you’re an adult.
  •    Traumatic Experiences
    We hate to put it this way, but that run-in with Uncle Bad-Touch might have something to do with your inability to hold back during sex and/or masturbation.
  • Low Self-Esteem
    Basically, your personal issues could get you so hot and bothered that you blow your load long before it’s time.
ACQUIRED
  • Performance Anxiety
    Do more harm than good to your stamina and performance by being overly concerned with it the entire time it’s happening.  
  • Intimacy Problems
    When you have setbacks in the bedroom that go beyond the sensations of sex, premature ejaculation might be just around the corner.
  • Relationship Defects
    The state of your personal union plays a huge role in how long you can go, but I probably didn’t need to tell you that.
BIOLOGICAL
  • Imbalanced Hormones
    Hormones do more than rage when you have sex; they dictate how you’ll perform in the sack under certain circumstances, especially if you’re prone to an imbalance.
  • Abnormal Neurotransmissions
    This includes any genetic abnormalities in neurological transmitter behavior, A.K.A. brain function (or lack thereof).
  • Urethral/Prostate Infections
    Guys who suffer from frequent infections in their urethra and/or prostate might have an extremely hard time keeping it together under pressure.
  • Inherited Disorders
    Bad grandpa might have given you more than a set of dirty magazines in his will and he may have made it impossible for you to use them.
  • Erectile Dysfunction
    If you have trouble getting it up, then you’ll probably get way too excited when it does. Nuff said.
  • Generalized Anxiety/Stress
    How do I put this mildly? Nervous and stressed out people make the best lovers. NOT!

Getting in front of this angry and impatient monster might be the only way you’ll ever learn how to last longer in bed. Know what you’re up against by doing your best to find out about the latest technologies and treatments. Meanwhile, it probably wouldn’t hurt to understand the most common symptoms of premature ejaculation so you can nip that shit in the bud before it gets out of hand.

The Most Common (and Most Annoying) Symptoms of P.E.

Obviously, the main symptom of not lasting very long in bed is, well, not lasting very long in bed. As much as your partner loves it, your best bet is to familiarize yourself with the most common signs so you can cut that nonsense off at the pass. Here are the five things you need to look out for (and/or avoid):

  • Being powerless when trying to control the way you get off
  • Frequently ejaculating within less than a minute of penetration
  • Dealing with psychological upsets that affect your libido directly or indirectly
  • Constantly managing feelings of performance anxiety, usually to no avail
  • Having an unnatural and/or unhealthy sexual obsession with your partner

Despite the propensity for it playing tricks on us, our bodies can do some pretty amazing things. Take, for instance, its ability to heal and its positive reaction to high-quality products such as sex toys, penile enhancement devices, medications and motivation. In fact, just because you’re currently dealing with PE doesn’t mean you can’t eventually do your proper duty to a partner’s booty.

The Top 10 Best Ways to Last Longer in Bed

We can’t all perform like porn stars, even if that’s the genetic marker we carry instead of the one that makes us susceptible to PE. What we can do, however, is take a more proactive approach to our sexual health and endurance. Not lasting long enough in bed is one of the most common complaints in modern-day doctor’s offices, so rest assured someone has come up with a solution and the whole world knows about it already. And since there won’t be anyone showing up at your door with an instant fix, it’s up to you to do the homework and figure out what works best.

Hey, wait! Didn’t someone say that the average man has sex for only about 3-5 minutes before cumming? Yes, but premature ejaculation is defined as an orgasm occurring at or near the one-minute mark. You’ll have to do better than come up with excuses now. The old “This never happens to me” bullshit is played out. So, use some of these things to add a few minutes to your routine instead:

Know Your Role

Let me ask you a question. How will you ever fix a problem with sexual stamina if you don’t know why the problem persists in the first place? Philosophers from all over the world and throughout the sands of time have said the same basic thing: Know thyself. You simply can’t pinpoint the solution if you don’t have a clue about the origins of the issue. That’s how it goes with everything in life, and premature ejaculation is no exception. In fact, even doctors will ask you a series of questions when you come in, plus partners are probably the most curious of them all. Give good answers by gathering good information.

Here are five important questions you might want to ask yourself before carrying on with this mad dash for the best ways to last longer in bed:

  • Have I been having endurance problems for quite a while or is this something new?
  • What usually happens before/after I get done ejaculating too soon?
  • Do I have any documented genetic issues that could be contributing to my bouts of PE?
  • Is my overall physical health a factor in the well-being of my love life?
  • Are there any mental or emotional setbacks that might be negatively effecting my ability to endure until it’s the right time?

The answers to those questions are designed to help you determine which of the possible methods can improve your performance the most. Experts suggest consulting with a doctor before formulating any performance enhancement plan (sexual or otherwise), but most people don’t find the issue serious enough to rack up a medical bill for it. Fortunately, there are some other (less expensive) options for those interested in finding the happy middle.

Strategize to Harmonize

At some point, whether you like it or not, you’ll have to speak to your partner about the troubles that premature ejaculation has caused. This little pow-wow is supposed to reveal unknown information about your habits and stroke style. It’s not a clandestine way to make you feel terrible about yourself because that wouldn’t do you or your partner any good (see “lifelong causes” above for more information). This here is an attempt to harmonize the hotness before it makes your engine blow and nothing more. Approach it with an open mind.

Your education on ejaculation may have just started, but the disorder has been a part of our society for many years and people aren’t as uncomfortable discussing it as they used to be. Chances are, your partner knows more about it than you think. Best case scenario, you’re both willing and able to come up with a feasible lovemaking strategy that supports your need for practice and patience while respecting their need to get off. In essence, prolonging your performance is only possible if your partner cums along for the ride (pun absolutely intended).

You see, this candid talk will help you both figure out which products and techniques will work best in the bedroom. Try to keep in mind that, while you’re most likely a very smart person, you cannot read minds so you can’t possibly know what your lover is thinking in terms of potential solutions. What you consider perfect may be seen as downright disgusting or disturbing to another. Strategizing together will simplify the process, give you better lovemaking ideas, and ultimately provide an opportunity the problem to (hopefully) fix itself.

Train the Main Vein

Too fast, too slow. Your dick has a new job description every time you get a new lover or try a different sex toy. Eventually, you’ll have to start training it to act right. I mean, do you expect it to begin behaving perfectly on its own? It’s likely that your cock’s cockiness is why we’re in this predicament in the first place. Down boy! You can have your Scooby Snack once you’ve completed all your chores.

Training the main vein, otherwise known as “frequent masturbation,” is one of the most enjoyable exercises for improving your sexual performance and you can’t deny it. However, a lot of guys don’t understand that it’s about more than just badgering the witness. An effective interrogation of your family jewels always involves answers and by that, I mean it requires a game plan and a measurable goal to be useful for anything other than producing orgasms. The industry calls it “stamina training,” but I like to call it “leg day” so I’ll never forget it.

Overcoming ejaculation problems is much easier than it was before and it’s all thanks to advancements in sex toy technology. Back in the day, men had to make up lame excuses to account for their inability to participate in intuitive intercourse, but oh how things have changed for the better. Now, there are products like specialized masturbation units with extreme canal textures and exclusive pleasure settings designed to increase the user’s chances of desensitizing their dicks enough to stop lying about it. Word on the streets is that buyers get a free high-five when they stop being selfish about their sex lives.

Supplemented Sex Is Still Sex

Show me where it says you have to become a sex god overnight without the help of an external source and I’ll show you the numbers on my credit card. Ron Jeremy might have what it takes to fuck for a century before breaking a sweat, but some of us have cocks that haven’t been beaten to a pulp. Our shlongs ain’t wrong, they’re just in need of some support. Fortunately, the male enhancement supplement market has exploded over the last few decades and modern men are poised to receive its many fruits.

Sexual performance pills aren’t what they used to be, and since “pills” is sometimes a trigger word I’ll start calling them capsules. They come in either form, and they’re generally made from high-quality ingredients derived from all-natural sources. The proprietary blend inside each one gets diligently developed under watchful eyes to ensure the best formulation, and most of the contents are safe to use even if you’re taking other medication (check with the doc first though because this isn’t medical advice). Either way, an internal boost to the dick’s primary drive-train isn’t ever a bad idea. Plus, who’s going to find out anyway?

Over the counter (OTC) male enhancement products, or MEPs, can provide short and/or long-term results to the user’s sex drive, physical endurance, sperm count and jizz volume. Higher-end supplements often do a little more for the consumer, including sometimes increasing the length and girth of the penis over time. Regardless of your choice, few of them are guaranteed to work and everybody reacts differently to the ingredients. For best results, use one that contains stuff you already know about and have experience ingesting.

Ring Around the Hosie

A little word from the wise: Cock rings are cheap and they can do wonders when it comes to helping you last longer in bed. In fact, that’s exactly what they were designed to do. Most of them are one-time use, disposable loops that fit snugly around the base of the penis to restrict blood flow and thereby prolong intercourse. However, they’re not all made the same and today’s cock rings are nothing like the ones from yesterday.

Flexible rings for a horny hose are a staple in most contemporary bedrooms. Luxury-grade cock rings often come with additional pleasure features too, including stuff like variable vibration functions, specialized tickling textures, perineum and/or clitoral stimulators, and remote controls. When paired with a sex toy, the right one can help consumers get the most bang for their buck. When used during intercourse with a partner, a good cock ring can enhance pleasure, boost intimacy, and prolong the experience in the most bittersweet way. I say bittersweet because most of these things are designed so that you can’t possibly ejaculate until you take it off.

NOTE: Using a high-quality cock ring can be a lot of fun and it’s very useful for making you last longer in bed. However, the majority of devices shouldn’t be worn for more than 20-30 minutes at a time to prevent permanent nerve damage or worse. Don’t make me tell you the story about my friend in college because you’ll never look at kielbasa sausages the same way again.

Get Comfortably Numb

Like Pink Floyd once said, “I have become comfortably numb.” I’m pretty sure Roger Waters was referring to his emotions, but I’m talking about my dick and balls here. Romantic gestures aside, some of the best nights of long, sweaty sex came after I squirted some numbing cream on my junk. It’s like taking your dick to the dentist, only instead of your mouth losing sensation your partner’s tongue does. Just kidding. If that happens then you bought the wrong shit and that ain't cool.

You see, today’s best numbing agents for sexual endurance therapy are created to have zero-transfer formulas. That means you can slap some on then cram your Cramer into her crater and she’ll be none the wiser. There may be a bit of an aroma from certain products, but you can always blame it on the dog like you do everything else. Keep in mind, however, that the length of time which these products last can vary widely. Be sure to read their labels carefully before making any promises you can’t keep. Finding the best product in this category is more difficult than explaining why you’re still a two-pump chump.

Here are some of the things you’ll want to look for in a good numbing agent for your penis:

  • Made from skin-safe ingredients
  • Long-lasting formula
  • Easy to wash off
  • Non-staining to fabrics
  • Safe to use with sex toys
  • Compatibility with condoms and lubes

Remember, numbing products for penises come in a wide variety of forms, from sprays and creams to lotions and oils. The type you choose should be based on your intentions, lifestyle, and requirements, not on what some clever marketer tries to tell you. At the end of the day it’s your reputation on the line, not theirs.

Pump Up the Volume

Did you know that since there’s often a direct correlation between self-esteem and premature ejaculation that a penis pump or extender can increase your sexual stamina naturally? Imagine showing up on the scene like the stunt double for a porn star, ready for action and not backing down from a challenge. Well, the right device could help you achieve the kind of presence you require to deliver the type of dick they desire. You’re a poet and didn’t even know it, sir. Your mother would be so proud right now. 

Back to my story, the difference between pumps and extenders must first be understood if you want any real results to your endurance level. In general, extenders are used to increase the overall length and/or thickness of the penile shaft. Over time and with strong traction, the wearer’s dick becomes larger and more in charge of itself in tight situations. As for pumps, they’re designed more for instant gratification, meaning they’re most ideal for guys who need a quick boost to their britches without the commitment of everyday use. Both can improve a man’s love life but neither will work if you don’t use them as intended.

The good news is that you don’t always have to rely on the invisible confidence fairy to get you out of a jam. Some of these devices are ergonomically tailored to enhance the intensity of the user’s orgasms through drawing blood and nerve-endings to the surface of the skin. So, first you pump, then you hunt down a cock ring like it’s your Precious, and then you huff and puff until the house falls down. Just be sure that your homeowner’s insurance is paid up because I’m pretty sure that’s not covered in the warranty included with many pumps and extenders.

Work It Out

There’s a lot of be said about foreplay but most people stay silent because their mouths are full of genitalia. The deafening hush can be extremely beautiful, especially if it helps you last longer in bed while pleasing your partner instead. Nothing says performance anxiety like trying to make small talk in the middle of sex, so don’t even bother because you should be preoccupied with the details anyway. Pre-gaming before intercourse is one of the best natural ways to increase stamina and endurance, plus it feels pretty good and your lover probably won’t complain if you do it right (oral sex tips coming soon). 

Statistically, relationship problems are not caused by a lack of communication as much as you think. According to marriage specialists and sexual health experts, it’s a dull and one-dimensional sex life that tears people apart. Add in premature ejaculation and it’s a recipe for dick-saster and disappointment. Work out your differences in the bedroom through intense, concentrated, deliberate foreplay and you’ll see a change instantly. Even if that means using high-grade sex toys or interactive masturbation devices, do what needs done to meet your partner squarely in the middle with your arms wide open and your crotch on full display.

Try Tantra

Tantric style sex has been around for centuries, but a surprisingly low number of people actually practice it and that might account for the relatively high volume of men with premature ejaculation problems. Regardless, this kind of intercourse involves a mixture of internal and external stimulation. It also has the distinct honor of being better than manual masturbation for prolonging a lovemaking session. Not sure what tantric sex is all about? Here’s how a typical scene plays out:

  • A distinct beginning, often using sex toys and accessories to create a definitive line between foreplay and intercourse
  • A series of “almost” orgasms that are aided by a close attention to physical and emotional cues
  • A distinct ending, often using automated pleasure products to increase intensity and force orgasm

By definition, tantra is modeled after the desire to have sex for a long as possible. However, the average duration of a tantric experience depends on the tolerance levels of the individuals practicing it. If done right, this kind of sex can increase a person’s sexual endurance tremendously. If done wrong, it can increase a person’s chances of getting left for someone else. In other words, don’t play with fire until you’ve learned how to make it dance.

Properly executed, this ancient practice feels more like a dance than a sexual encounter riddled with performance anxiety and confidence issues. It’s designed to have no clear-cut length and is supposed to teach lovers how to prolong their orgasmic climaxes. And while it was originally created to serve the needs of unsatisfied women who were fucking overzealous men, neo-tantra teaches partners how to work in tandem with one another to experience numerous orgasms in a single session.

Get Some Help, Sir

Excuse me for saying this, brother, but if none of the techniques mentioned here have been able to change how long you last in bed then it may be time to see a doctor. You’d be surprised by how many safe and effective remedies a medical professional has for things like this. It shouldn’t embarrass either. According to the statistics, your doctor probably deals with PE too.

For reasons mentioned above, you may be experiencing premature ejaculation and climax control problems because of unknown, unseen, unchecked, or unmanaged circumstances. A physician can help you get things figure out without disrupting your lifestyle. It’s not uncommon for medications such as SSRIs (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors), or antidepressants, to be administered to people who have mental and/or emotional hindrances. Keep in mind, however, that many modern-day prescription medicines carry countless side effects that sex toys and natural male enhancement supplements do not.  

With the right care plan in place and a good attitude to match, you may be able to dig yourself out from inside the hole you currently find yourself in. At that point, we hope you will can go back through the list and find a solution that works best. Early arrivals may not always be welcome, but at least now you have a way of making arrangements for it ahead of time. In the meantime, start taking better care of yourself and see if that has any bearing on the quality of your sex life.

Bonus Tips and Tricks 

Before you go, I should probably mention that there are a handful of things you can do to improve the efficacy of the methods mentioned above, given you have the will and a way of course. The following tips and tricks haven’t necessarily been evaluated or approved by medical professionals, but they tend to be useful either way and none of them pose danger to your health or happiness so why not?

As long as you’re not currently under the care of a doctor and as long as you’re physically able, these love life hacks should give you the power to further increase the results of your “how to last longer in bed exercises,” or should we say, your “self-improvement regimen.” After all, “fervent masturbation” doesn’t have the same ring:

  • Practice pre-sex relaxation techniques to eliminate stress and lessen the effects of performance and/or generalized anxiety.
  • Perform exercises to strengthen your pelvic floor, adding proportionate weights whenever possible or appropriate.
  • Wear climax control condoms to desensitize your penis and prolong your performance without letting your partner find out.
  • Stop consuming alcohol, tobacco and/or illegal drugs, especially if they directly affect your libido, sexual endurance, mental health or relationship.

To get any better in bed and start lasting as long as your partner prefers, you’ll have to learn some patience and accept the fact that you’re on a learning curve. Many products take several weeks to produce results, and exercises don’t affect all people in the same way. Understand that every man is different but don’t forget to give yourself the chance to shine.

The Final Verdict

Premature ejaculation accounts for a large portion of the complaints that come into today’s doctor’s offices and after taking a look at the root causes, it’s kind of easy to see why. Official diagnoses are still rare, but most men have dealt with PE at least once in their lifetime. In fact, there’s a good chance that the sexual health experts, doctors, and bloggers who are giving you advice are doing so from personal experience. With somewhere between 30 and 70 percent of the country’s population admitting to having a problem, I wonder what the real numbers would look like if we were all a little more honest about the situation.

With all that said, it’s really no wonder we see so many high-quality stamina improvement options on the market these days. My friends, the cat is out of the proverbial bag. Men no longer have to suffer through as many awkward apologies because they can’t keep their shit together and I, for one, am very grateful for that. After all, half of college experience was nothing but developing elaborate schemes to hide the fact that I wasn’t willing to improve. If you’ve made it this far, that’s not how your story ends either.

As for the guys who still refuse to admit they have a problem, denial can be an ugly and unsatisfying thing. Premature ejaculation effects more than just the person suffering from it. Everyone become a victim when a good orgasm is wasted. Even so, the Mayo Clinic now offers a handy-dandy self-assessment guide can dramatically change the game and put you in front of specialists who know a thing or two about being overachievers.  

About Blake Parker

Blake Parker makes Ron Jeremy look like Mother Theresa. His honest take on allthings pertaining to pleasure and relationships has made him a household name that’s synonymous with sexuality. Blake’s unique perspective on toys and techniques prepares the mind and body for more than just an incredible orgasm. Hisentertaining sex toy reviews, buyer’s guides, and How-To articles inform consumers of what nobody else will say. His readers demolish emotional/physical strongholds, tear down social taboos, and become more comfortable in their own skin as he and his partner enlighten the world one sex toy at a time. Notoriety isn’t the goal with Blake; satisfaction is.