Knowing how to get laid isn’t always easy, especially if charm and good looks don’t come naturally for you. As adults, we assume having sex will come easily, but that’s not always the case. In fact, studies show that at least 41% of American teenagers (yes, teens) reported having intercourse at least once in the last twelve months. For many grown-ups, those are staggeringly intimidating numbers which ultimately beg the question: What seems to be the problem here?
Surprisingly, more men and women struggle to get off than you might believe. After all, it’s not exactly a topic for table talk. However, according to a recent survey conducted by the National Center for Health Statistics, women between the age of 20 and 59 report having four or fewer partners throughout their entire lifetime. As for the men in that same age group, they report having seven or fewer. Empirical experience shows that most people are lying about their partner count. Either way, it seems we all need help getting laid more often.
The frequency of your orgasms is important, even if your mama didn’t tell you about it when you were growing up. Scientists now know that healthy amounts of sexual climax can be beneficial to a person’s overall well-being. Unfortunately, sex toys can’t always take the place of real intimacy so the desire to get laid by a live partner will never go away. On the bright side, there are a few ways to increase your chances.
Getting laid can mean so many things depending on the person and place. No, we’re not talking about the colloquial Hawaiian greeting of getting a “lei” when you step off the plane, although that’s probably much easier and, in some cases, much less expensive. In this article, the term simply refers to good old-fashioned fucking. You know: a game of hide the sausage, a little baby making, the horizontal bop, some bumping uglies, a hot beef injection, need I say more?
Who says you can’t have hoes in every area code? It’s not about who you know; it’s about what you know this time. Not everyone has the prowess of a sex god or goddess and that’s probably pretty clear by now. But, with a global population of nearly 7.7 billion people it’s also obvious that people are getting it on left and right. You don’t have to sit at the loser table anymore though, especially if you properly (and responsibly) utilize what’s in front of your face (and inside your trousers).
Before we thrust ourselves into all that, let’s warm it up with a few cold, hard facts so you don’t push potential partners away. You don't always get a second chance to make a first impression, remember? Here are the five main things stupid, hasty people do to get rejected by a lover almost immediately:
Once you’ve covered all those bases (meaning, you’ve washed your balls and checked yourself before you wrecked yourself), you can start looking on various platforms and at certain places around town to catch some tail. It’s really not as difficult as it seems, just don’t turn people off instantly and you’re good to go. The same statistics that are stacked against you are stacked against other people as well. Think about it: We’re all just trying to get laid out here. It’s your job to tap into the other person’s primal need to get gorilla fucked into the couch before their fright or flight response kicks in (just kidding, but seriously).
Fortunately, most people see a drastic increase in their opportunities to get laid when they simply put in a little extra effort. Chances to get your dick/pussy wet are all over the place, but you have to learn how to use your resources like a boss. In most cases, finding a new partner to have sex with begins in one of three ways: online, from a public encounter, or after a first date. So, how do you navigate the treacherous waters of the dating pool? By breaking things into categories and giving each endeavor your best shot, that’s how.
What to turn on a potential lover, make them want your bod without having to try so damn hard for it? That’s what she said. Easy loving is the best kind, so prepare your presentation ahead of time like you appreciate efficiency. Here are the top 10 traits you’ll need to embody and you’ll have the honeys eating out of your hairy-palmed hand in no time:
If you can transform yourself into the ideal man using the 10 characteristics mentioned above, then all these other lame sons of bitches will be eating your dust before the sun comes up. Use the tips and tricks we discussed to create in yourself the kind of sexual partner that’s virtually irresistible. Remember: Like attracts like, so at least attract a lover who’s worth the effort because that’s what they’ll be doing for you.
Congratulations, you’ve made it through the hard part. The next step is super simple. Just present your un-rejected, finely tuned ass to the masses so you can finally get laid and we can all go home. Start by looking in the three main areas most commonly used for dating and hookups: the internet, the streets, and the traditional date.
As some of the most popular places to meet new and like-minded people, online dating sites have exploded over the last few decades due to their consumer-friendly usefulness. Once seen as a forum for weirdos and creeps only, virtual hot spots like Tinder, Plenty of Fish and Craigslist have helped remove the stigma associated with internet romance. By providing an easy to use platform for dating, hookups and more, these websites generate massive membership numbers and often sort potential mates based on pre-specified criteria such as age, interest, appearance, and location.
It might be relatively new, but this site has become one of the biggest online dating/hookup sites in all the land, with millions of subscribers already on it and thousands more signing up every day. With all that said, the crazy number of people to swipe through can be frustrating at best. Fortunately, the site/mobile app is set up to make things easier and faster for everybody, but that just means you’ll have to make a good first impression if you want to get laid on Tinder:
Here are the 5 dos and don’ts of a good profile:
When it comes to the equally popular dating app called Plenty of Fish, operations are pretty much the same. Getting laid on POF isn’t very hard at all, especially if you use the profile tips mentioned above for Tinder. Being as they’re basically two different version of the same thing, people will be looking at similar details to determine the attractiveness of the person behind the screen. Using POF to get laid might also require a full membership so you can get access to the entire spectrum of site amenities, including profile insights and special response options like GIFs and gift exchanges.
NOTE: Remember to save your faves and always respond in a timely and courteous manner.
Craigslist popularity seems to have waned over the last few years, but that’s only because people stopped talking about the fact that it was being used primarily to sell cars and promote hookups between strangers, with fewer cars being sold every day. Fortunately for us, CL is still very much alive and well, featuring a wide variety of categories and search specifications to make your “shopping” trip easier. Here’s how to take advantage of the selection:
Online dating platforms can put you in front of attractive people you might not have ever met otherwise. Internet-based relationships allow you to play the field without leaving the house or spending any money (usually). However, it’s crucial for web users to understand the nuances of virtual communication and appreciate the risks involved. Never agree to meet someone who seems shady or questionable and take your time getting to know a potential mate before having sex with them.
People have been getting laid through in-person social interactions since the dawn of time. Long before the invention of the internet, men and women had to impress their lovers in real-time and without the aid of a delete button. Convincing someone to sleep with you through this method takes a ton of confidence and all the right words, plus you have to hit up the community hot spots if you want to locate like-minded individuals. Fortunately, the modern world has been constructed around mankind’s desire to experience pleasure. Here are the top three places to visit when you’re looking for love (AKA: an orgasm):
You already know that your community’s pubs and clubs are the most popular places for finding someone to fuck. The problem is not the prevalence of hot and happening locations. The issue lies with the person attending the venue. If you don’t know how to use the club’s amenities to your advantage, you’ll simply show up to spend all your money and then go home alone.
Granted, you’ll have to come packing some cash to leave with some ass but that’s just how the game goes. Make the most use of your wad by buying drinks for the women you’re interested in. If they’re come with friends, purchase beverages for them as well. Most women will only sleep with a guy if their friends approve, so play nice and you might end up having a threesome. Meanwhile, mind all the tips mentioned above (i.e. dress to impress, be humble, and act like a gentleman).
More people get laid at parties than on dates, so that means you need to show up with something to say. Nobody wants a depressed person hanging out by the wall, and you won’t be getting laid anytime soon by acting like a hermit either. Community events pose just as pressure for you to be social, so gather up some interesting information to share with the group and you’ll be king of the ring in no time.
Ladies adore an interesting man who carries himself well. Even in a room full of other men, women will always notice a guy that exemplifies all the qualities of a generous and patient lover. Attend events and venture out to the parties you’re invited to. Arrive with something to bring to the table and don’t be afraid to let your hair down because people are there to have a good time, not assuage your insecurities and make it easier for you to suck at life.
You don’t have to visit a bunch of crowded, smoky bars and clubs to find a partner. Simply take yourself out into public for access to the community “chests.” Places like restaurants, libraries, specialty shops, lounges, gyms and pools tend to have the best selection and the most laid-back, cost-effective atmospheres. So, unless you plan to use interactive sex toys for the rest of your life, exploring the public domain is necessary.
Nobody ever got laid by being a hermit; it didn’t matter how horny they were. Your chances of finding a sexual partner dramatically increase when your facial expressions, body language and interactions with other people can be viewed and judged by potential partners. Get out there and make a name for yourself, then watch as the panties drop like fat beats at the club.
Personal interactions with people can do a lot for your love life, even if the folks you’re hanging out with aren’t necessarily your target partner. Try to associate yourself with individuals who are doing something interesting with their life. Furthermore, don’t forget about the value of experience. Now is not the time to be picky, but that doesn’t mean you have to take whatever the cat drags in. Be selective enough to ensure a good time but keep an open mind because, honestly, you’re no super model either.
First date fucking is incredibly intense. It can also be extremely awkward too, not to mention shameful for both parties if the situation isn’t handled appropriately. Set the stage by expressing yourself as someone who respects other people’s privacy. Be warm and inviting, consistent and caring. Be clean, be courteous, and be cool with the fact that your partner may halt things right in the middle of the show if you’re not careful. Here are the 5 best ways to flirt effectively and get your rocks off on the very first date:
First dates can be stressful but they can also be a lot of fun. Just remember that even if you don’t get that hottie into the sack on the very first try, a good execution of the first date can lead to other chances. Never make a woman feel guilty for not sleeping with you after all the effort you put into getting her attention. Chances are, she’s just playing hard to get and wants to be pursued a little bit more before giving up the goods.
So many times, guys work really hard on their “get laid” game that they forget to put any effort into their bedroom skill set. A woman is finally convinced to have sex with a man only to find out he’s terrible in the sack. Fast-forward a year or two under those conditions and your chances of finding love (or getting an orgasm from a live partner) are tremendously decreased. In other words, you’ve got to know what to do once you get this newfound playmate in bed or your rep will go right out the window (and your number will get deleted from her phone).
So, what exactly turns a girl on sexually? Is it a gentle touch? A warm embrace? A rough trip to Pound Town? Everyone likes things a little different, but here’s what the pros have found to be most effective at making a woman cum (and come back) once she’s successfully in your clutches:
Getting laid is a right and a responsibility, not a privilege for the perverted. Be wise by carefully considering and/or managing the pros and cons of hooking up with someone new (or just having decent sex in general). Here are the things you need to think about before penetration:
As always, use your newfound ability to get laid more often with white gloves. Wear condoms as often as possible, promote contraceptives, and/or masturbate with high-end sex toys to suffice the lulls in lovemaking when no suitable partner can be found.
It’s all a lot simpler than you think. Knowing how to get laid takes some men several years of practice and rejection. There are no textbooks on this stuff, and few guys ever work on their game because they’ve found ways around it. However, lackadaisical sex gets old quickly (as does not having any sex at all), and old school methods just don’t work anymore thanks to the invention of the internet. Simple change your approach using what you’ve learned here and enjoy an enhanced love life without having to wait decades for it.
Blake Parker makes Ron Jeremy look like Mother Theresa. His honest take on allthings pertaining to pleasure and relationships has made him a household name that’s synonymous with sexuality. Blake’s unique perspective on toys and techniques prepares the mind and body for more than just an incredible orgasm. Hisentertaining sex toy reviews, buyer’s guides, and How-To articles inform consumers of what nobody else will say. His readers demolish emotional/physical strongholds, tear down social taboos, and become more comfortable in their own skin as he and his partner enlighten the world one sex toy at a time. Notoriety isn’t the goal with Blake; satisfaction is.