The Guide to Getting Laid and Having Amazing Sex

By Blake Parker
The Guide to Getting Laid and Having Amazing Sex
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Knowing how to get laid isn’t always easy, especially if charm and good looks don’t come naturally for you. As adults, we assume having sex will come easily, but that’s not always the case. In fact, studies show that at least 41% of American teenagers (yes, teens) reported having intercourse at least once in the last twelve months. For many grown-ups, those are staggeringly intimidating numbers which ultimately beg the question: What seems to be the problem here?

Surprisingly, more men and women struggle to get off than you might believe. After all, it’s not exactly a topic for table talk. However, according to a recent survey conducted by the National Center for Health Statistics, women between the age of 20 and 59 report having four or fewer partners throughout their entire lifetime. As for the men in that same age group, they report having seven or fewer. Empirical experience shows that most people are lying about their partner count. Either way, it seems we all need help getting laid more often.

Why Does Getting Laid Matter?

The frequency of your orgasms is important, even if your mama didn’t tell you about it when you were growing up. Scientists now know that healthy amounts of sexual climax can be beneficial to a person’s overall well-being. Unfortunately, sex toys can’t always take the place of real intimacy so the desire to get laid by a live partner will never go away. On the bright side, there are a few ways to increase your chances.

Getting laid can mean so many things depending on the person and place. No, we’re not talking about the colloquial Hawaiian greeting of getting a “lei” when you step off the plane, although that’s probably much easier and, in some cases, much less expensive. In this article, the term simply refers to good old-fashioned fucking. You know: a game of hide the sausage, a little baby making, the horizontal bop, some bumping uglies, a hot beef injection, need I say more?

How to Avoid Getting Rejected for Sex

Who says you can’t have hoes in every area code? It’s not about who you know; it’s about what you know this time. Not everyone has the prowess of a sex god or goddess and that’s probably pretty clear by now. But, with a global population of nearly 7.7 billion people it’s also obvious that people are getting it on left and right. You don’t have to sit at the loser table anymore though, especially if you properly (and responsibly) utilize what’s in front of your face (and inside your trousers).

Before we thrust ourselves into all that, let’s warm it up with a few cold, hard facts so you don’t push potential partners away. You don't always get a second chance to make a first impression, remember? Here are the five main things stupid, hasty people do to get rejected by a lover almost immediately:

  • COME ON TOO STRONG - Nobody likes a pushy person, so read the physical cues coming from the other person to determine when and how to step in their general direction.
  • SEEM INSECURE – Honestly, few people find insecurity sexy and even fewer folks want to mount it. Chin up if you want your dick inside.
  • ACT A DONKEY - Teach yourself the basics of political correctness and manners, then use what you’ve learned until/unless you’re more familiar with that person’s boundaries.
  • COMPLAIN TOO MUCH – Few people want to have sex with someone who’s a hot mess, so keep your dirty laundry to yourself the best you can.
  • LOOK/SMELL UNCLEAN – They don’t call it “getting dirty” because one of the partners is a filthy slob, so keep yourself cleaned up if you want to attract a mate.

Once you’ve covered all those bases (meaning, you’ve washed your balls and checked yourself before you wrecked yourself), you can start looking on various platforms and at certain places around town to catch some tail. It’s really not as difficult as it seems, just don’t turn people off instantly and you’re good to go. The same statistics that are stacked against you are stacked against other people as well. Think about it: We’re all just trying to get laid out here. It’s your job to tap into the other person’s primal need to get gorilla fucked into the couch before their fright or flight response kicks in (just kidding, but seriously).

Fortunately, most people see a drastic increase in their opportunities to get laid when they simply put in a little extra effort. Chances to get your dick/pussy wet are all over the place, but you have to learn how to use your resources like a boss. In most cases, finding a new partner to have sex with begins in one of three ways: online, from a public encounter, or after a first date. So, how do you navigate the treacherous waters of the dating pool? By breaking things into categories and giving each endeavor your best shot, that’s how.

The Top 10 Traits of a Wanted Man

What to turn on a potential lover, make them want your bod without having to try so damn hard for it? That’s what she said. Easy loving is the best kind, so prepare your presentation ahead of time like you appreciate efficiency. Here are the top 10 traits you’ll need to embody and you’ll have the honeys eating out of your hairy-palmed hand in no time:

  1. Dress to Impress
    You know how the song goes: “Girls goes crazy ‘bout a sharp-dressed man.” Few ladies want to be seen with a hobo, but don’t go around wearing a jackass’s tuxedo either. Sport the latest trends, make sure they fit properly, and never dress in anything that’s unclean, stained or stinky.
  2. Do You Even Lift Your Spirits, Bro?
    Being around someone who’s depressed can be contagious, but the same can be said about a man with confidence. Keep in mind that there’s a thin line between arrogance of assuredness though. Be candid and stay open while revealing just enough of your silliest flaws to make you likable and personable, especially if she’s doing the same thing.  
  3. Put Up a Good Fight
    All girls like guys who will pursue and woo them. I mean, how do you think ugly men get with beautiful women? Make her feel special without making her feel suffocated or stalked. Let her tease you a little bit but be sure you know when she’s being serious because rape is no joke.
  4. Have Some Achievements to Speak Of
    This one might take some work, or at least a little bit of thought. Come up with some personal achievements you can more or less brag about. Don’t come across as cocky, just let the girl know that you’re not a complete bum. Who knows? Maybe she’ll assume your lack of intimacy with a partner is because of your commitment to lifestyle excellence.
  5. Be in Control of Yourself
    Your finances, your career, your personal life, your health – they all need to be considered and properly managed in order for a potential mate to get comfortable enough to have sex with you. Do you have goals in life? Are you prepared for change? Girls may not always admit this, but they’re usually wondering what it would be like to fall in love with you. Give them a good reason to say yes.
  6. Check Your Ego at the Door
    Remember, women don’t typically like men who have egos bigger than their dicks. Those kinds of guys have dragged confidence out back to bury it alive. Egotistical and/or bigoted behavior can be a huge turn-off, yet ladies like a man who can respect himself. Just don’t let other men turn you into a fool in front of your sweetheart, even if they’re your friends. Meanwhile, show graciousness and kindness whenever you can.
  7. Be Witty, and Pretty, and Wise  
    Ladies will crave the company of any man who can make her laugh or feel good about herself, especially in the face of difficulty, adversity or personal turmoil. Become her crying shoulder if need be, but always keep her giggling with clever jokes and current pop culture references. In essence, you want to become the cheerful guy who’s motivated in the right ways and sharp at the right times.
  8. Pick a Passion, Any Passion
    Chicks dig a man with the master plan, or at least some motivations to get one. Do you have any drive in your heart, any passion in your eyes? Women can usually pick up on that kind of thing, or lack thereof. Be the dude with your dreams burning from the inside out and she’ll want to jump on board (and on your dick).
  9. Chivalry Isn’t Dead, Fred
    Do what your mama told you and be a chivalrous man (unless she’s the type of girl who’s not into that kind of thing). Act like her knight in shiny armor. Open doors, pull out chairs, take care of heavy loads and poor weather conditions so she doesn’t have to. Treat her like a queen so she’ll treat you like her king.
  10. “Lean-In” More Than Sarah Palin at an Empty Book Signing
    You’ll have to pay close attention to her needs to make her swoon, plus it’s an important part of making these other traits pop off as well. Take her wants and requirements as seriously as your own because she only warmed up enough to confide in you to test your allegiance to her heart (and her vagina).

If you can transform yourself into the ideal man using the 10 characteristics mentioned above, then all these other lame sons of bitches will be eating your dust before the sun comes up. Use the tips and tricks we discussed to create in yourself the kind of sexual partner that’s virtually irresistible. Remember: Like attracts like, so at least attract a lover who’s worth the effort because that’s what they’ll be doing for you.

Congratulations, you’ve made it through the hard part. The next step is super simple. Just present your un-rejected, finely tuned ass to the masses so you can finally get laid and we can all go home. Start by looking in the three main areas most commonly used for dating and hookups: the internet, the streets, and the traditional date.  

Getting Laid from Online Dating Sites

As some of the most popular places to meet new and like-minded people, online dating sites have exploded over the last few decades due to their consumer-friendly usefulness. Once seen as a forum for weirdos and creeps only, virtual hot spots like Tinder, Plenty of Fish and Craigslist have helped remove the stigma associated with internet romance. By providing an easy to use platform for dating, hookups and more, these websites generate massive membership numbers and often sort potential mates based on pre-specified criteria such as age, interest, appearance, and location.

Tips for Tinder

It might be relatively new, but this site has become one of the biggest online dating/hookup sites in all the land, with millions of subscribers already on it and thousands more signing up every day. With all that said, the crazy number of people to swipe through can be frustrating at best. Fortunately, the site/mobile app is set up to make things easier and faster for everybody, but that just means you’ll have to make a good first impression if you want to get laid on Tinder:

Here are the 5 dos and don’ts of a good profile:

  • No more selfies.
    You don’t look nearly as cute as the girls when you take selfies in the bathroom mirror. Just have a few pictures of yourself and be sure they show your face. Studies show that responses from women go down by as much as 8% when a man posts a selfie. Who knew?
  • Talk about yourself.
    Women don’t want to conduct a full-length interview just to find out who you are. The profile that reads “just ask” will most certainly not get asked many questions by the ladies, nor will it be swooning any potential hookups anytime soon. Don’t be clever and lazy, be open and funny.
  • Don’t mention your ex.
    Turn your otherwise amazing profile into a lame shit show by adding negative or derogatory comments about your exes. Maybe the research is all wrong, but it seems like most chicks are repulsed by guys who talk a lot of smack.
  • Keep it classy.
    Saying rude, hurtful or bigoted things on your profile (or in conversation) will pave the road to hell and back. Don’t be an impatient or condescending asshole and never, ever list out your pet peeves for the world to see because nobody cares that much and it only makes you look like a dick.
  • Be as honest as possible.
    You don’t have to lie to kick it, fellas. Not all women are looking for the same thing. Just be honest about who you are and why you’re on the site. Chances are, you’ll find someone who admired the candid approach to such an adult situation.

The POF Playbook

When it comes to the equally popular dating app called Plenty of Fish, operations are pretty much the same. Getting laid on POF isn’t very hard at all, especially if you use the profile tips mentioned above for Tinder. Being as they’re basically two different version of the same thing, people will be looking at similar details to determine the attractiveness of the person behind the screen. Using POF to get laid might also require a full membership so you can get access to the entire spectrum of site amenities, including profile insights and special response options like GIFs and gift exchanges.

NOTE: Remember to save your faves and always respond in a timely and courteous manner.

The Criteria for Craigslist

Craigslist popularity seems to have waned over the last few years, but that’s only because people stopped talking about the fact that it was being used primarily to sell cars and promote hookups between strangers, with fewer cars being sold every day. Fortunately for us, CL is still very much alive and well, featuring a wide variety of categories and search specifications to make your “shopping” trip easier. Here’s how to take advantage of the selection:

  • Categorize properly.
    On this website, you can pick and choose which categories you want to explore. There are random encounters, missed connections and basic hookups/personal ads to peruse at your leisure. Just be sure to choose the one that’s best suited to your purposes and remember, it’s okay to want some one-time kink or a quick, unfamiliar lay.
  • Look outside your jurisdiction.
    You’ll always be able to dictate which part your geographical location you want to explore. Keep in mind that hunting in your hometown might be a bad idea, especially if you’re looking strictly for kink, fetish play, or one-night stands. Look in places outside your general vicinity for better options and improved discretion.
  • Open up a sexy dialogue.
    Once you’ve got someone’s attention with your sharp dressed, well groomed, and chivalrous self, start hinting ever so gently at the main point – getting laid on Craigslist like a fucking adult. After all, if you’ve picked the right categories then the other person should already know what’s up.

Online dating platforms can put you in front of attractive people you might not have ever met otherwise. Internet-based relationships allow you to play the field without leaving the house or spending any money (usually). However, it’s crucial for web users to understand the nuances of virtual communication and appreciate the risks involved. Never agree to meet someone who seems shady or questionable and take your time getting to know a potential mate before having sex with them.

Getting Laid from Personal Exchanges

People have been getting laid through in-person social interactions since the dawn of time. Long before the invention of the internet, men and women had to impress their lovers in real-time and without the aid of a delete button. Convincing someone to sleep with you through this method takes a ton of confidence and all the right words, plus you have to hit up the community hot spots if you want to locate like-minded individuals. Fortunately, the modern world has been constructed around mankind’s desire to experience pleasure. Here are the top three places to visit when you’re looking for love (AKA: an orgasm):

  • LOCAL BARS AND CLUBS

You already know that your community’s pubs and clubs are the most popular places for finding someone to fuck. The problem is not the prevalence of hot and happening locations. The issue lies with the person attending the venue. If you don’t know how to use the club’s amenities to your advantage, you’ll simply show up to spend all your money and then go home alone.

Granted, you’ll have to come packing some cash to leave with some ass but that’s just how the game goes. Make the most use of your wad by buying drinks for the women you’re interested in. If they’re come with friends, purchase beverages for them as well. Most women will only sleep with a guy if their friends approve, so play nice and you might end up having a threesome. Meanwhile, mind all the tips mentioned above (i.e. dress to impress, be humble, and act like a gentleman).

  • PARTIES AND COMMUNITY EVENTS

More people get laid at parties than on dates, so that means you need to show up with something to say. Nobody wants a depressed person hanging out by the wall, and you won’t be getting laid anytime soon by acting like a hermit either. Community events pose just as pressure for you to be social, so gather up some interesting information to share with the group and you’ll be king of the ring in no time.

Ladies adore an interesting man who carries himself well. Even in a room full of other men, women will always notice a guy that exemplifies all the qualities of a generous and patient lover. Attend events and venture out to the parties you’re invited to. Arrive with something to bring to the table and don’t be afraid to let your hair down because people are there to have a good time, not assuage your insecurities and make it easier for you to suck at life.

  • PUBLIC DOMAINS

You don’t have to visit a bunch of crowded, smoky bars and clubs to find a partner. Simply take yourself out into public for access to the community “chests.” Places like restaurants, libraries, specialty shops, lounges, gyms and pools tend to have the best selection and the most laid-back, cost-effective atmospheres. So, unless you plan to use interactive sex toys for the rest of your life, exploring the public domain is necessary.

Nobody ever got laid by being a hermit; it didn’t matter how horny they were. Your chances of finding a sexual partner dramatically increase when your facial expressions, body language and interactions with other people can be viewed and judged by potential partners. Get out there and make a name for yourself, then watch as the panties drop like fat beats at the club.

Personal interactions with people can do a lot for your love life, even if the folks you’re hanging out with aren’t necessarily your target partner. Try to associate yourself with individuals who are doing something interesting with their life. Furthermore, don’t forget about the value of experience. Now is not the time to be picky, but that doesn’t mean you have to take whatever the cat drags in. Be selective enough to ensure a good time but keep an open mind because, honestly, you’re no super model either.

Getting Laid on the First Date

First date fucking is incredibly intense. It can also be extremely awkward too, not to mention shameful for both parties if the situation isn’t handled appropriately. Set the stage by expressing yourself as someone who respects other people’s privacy. Be warm and inviting, consistent and caring. Be clean, be courteous, and be cool with the fact that your partner may halt things right in the middle of the show if you’re not careful. Here are the 5 best ways to flirt effectively and get your rocks off on the very first date:

  1. Be a little early to the scheduled location bearing a small token of your affection.
    First impressions last a lifetime, or at least they last for the duration of your date. Act like you’re there to please because that will get translated into their view of your sexual prowess later on. The best way to make an amazing first impression is to come bearing a small token of your affection. Tiny trinkets that show you’ve been listening to the things they say can grant you major brownie points, plus the gift serves as an automatic conversation piece that helps break the ice and promote closeness between partners. Also, the quality of the gift won’t matter very much if you show up late for the date. Arrive 5 to 10 minutes early and text or call to let them know you’re there. It shows eagerness and chicks dig a guy who’s excited about their company.
  2. Take her somewhere safe and interesting that she’s likely never been before.
    Dinner and a movie - an activity so played out that it’s seldom even seen as a legitimate date anymore. Dark theaters make it impossible to communicate verbally or make simple eye contact with your partner. That, in turn, transforms an otherwise exciting event into a silent, introspective hour that ends in terrible awkwardness. Dates like that usually end in the theater parking lot, not in the bedroom. Instead, whisk her away to something more exciting – a live show, an art museum, a concert, an outdoor activity, a park, anything but a stupid movie and a mediocre meal. After all, that’s what we have Netflix and chill for. She doesn’t want to have sex with a basic bitch, she wants the most interesting man in the world.
  3. Don’t act too eager, even if she’s boner-ific and you can’t help yourself.
    There’s a thin line between being eager and acting like an overly aggressive creep. Women want to feel pursued and attractive, but they don’t want to feel like they’re hanging out with a potential rapist. Everyone knows that the main point of dating is to eventually have sex with the other person, so don’t rush things just because you find your mate attractive. Let things happen at a natural pace and pay close attention to their physical and verbal hints. If she compliments you, accept graciously and then return the favor with a comment about anything but her appearance. She’ll see that, despite her efforts to look as beautiful as possible, you’ve paid more attention to her as a person and her libido will respond in equal measure.
  4. Find ways to touch her gently without coming off as a sex-crazed creep.
    Once things begin to warm up between the two of you, gradually start finding ways to make physical contact with her. It doesn’t have to be anything outright sexual either. A quick bush of the leg, a gentle touch of the hand, or a fix to a strand of her hair can do wonders where a blatant feel-up failed. As long as you’re not acting like she’s made of glass, she won’t interpret that as disinterest, lacking confidence or an inept skillset. And as long as you’re not acting like someone from “To Catch a Predator,” then she’ll most likely be open to letting it happen again (and then some). 
  5. Make lots of direct, meaningful eye contact.
    No, you shouldn’t be staring at her like a stalker while she talks. No, we’re not telling you maintain direct, unblinking eye contact for inappropriate amounts of time. What we’re saying is that the eyes are the windows to our soul, and our soul is the seat of our libido. Communicate more with your eyes than with your body, at least at first. Some pretty intense exchanges can happen without words, plus you can say unspeakable things without looking and sounding like a jackass in front of your partner. First dates are delicate things that can go south in a heartbeat, so tell her the story of your deprived dick one bedroom-eye at a time.

First dates can be stressful but they can also be a lot of fun. Just remember that even if you don’t get that hottie into the sack on the very first try, a good execution of the first date can lead to other chances. Never make a woman feel guilty for not sleeping with you after all the effort you put into getting her attention. Chances are, she’s just playing hard to get and wants to be pursued a little bit more before giving up the goods.

Increasing Your Chances with Tips from the Pros

So many times, guys work really hard on their “get laid” game that they forget to put any effort into their bedroom skill set. A woman is finally convinced to have sex with a man only to find out he’s terrible in the sack. Fast-forward a year or two under those conditions and your chances of finding love (or getting an orgasm from a live partner) are tremendously decreased. In other words, you’ve got to know what to do once you get this newfound playmate in bed or your rep will go right out the window (and your number will get deleted from her phone). 

So, what exactly turns a girl on sexually? Is it a gentle touch? A warm embrace? A rough trip to Pound Town? Everyone likes things a little different, but here’s what the pros have found to be most effective at making a woman cum (and come back) once she’s successfully in your clutches:

  • Be a sexy beast.
    If you can’t look good naked, at least feel good to naked partner. Besides, physical fitness makes you a much better lover and women instinctually pick up on that kind of thing. Also, dad bods are a thing now so you don’t have to worry about getting a sex-pack anymore.
  • Take your time, daddy.
    Don’t rush into penetration no matter how eager you are. Girls usually don’t like that, plus you rip yourself off in the process. Foreplay can be extremely arousing and women take up to 20 minutes to climax anyway. Act like you’ve done this before.
  • Don’t be selfish.
    Women respond very positively to a lover who isn’t selfish about his time, attention or body. Never under any circumstances allow yourself to ejaculate before her. It’s not only rude but it also halts the show almost instantly for the man and subsequently the woman. No Bueno.
  • Do your homework.
    It doesn’t matter if you have to watch a thousand hours of porn to get your technique just right, give her something to remember you by. Skills can go a long way towards making an otherwise unattractive man someone worth fucking. Don’t believe me? Look at Ron Jeremy’s busted ass.
  • Keep it lighthearted and interesting.
    A man who is lighthearted and interesting, even during foreplay and sex, can be counted on for a good time every time. Remember, you don’t always have to start and end intercourse in the bedroom. Get creative about the setting, the supplies and the story line if you really want to shine in the sheets.

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly of Getting Laid

Getting laid is a right and a responsibility, not a privilege for the perverted. Be wise by carefully considering and/or managing the pros and cons of hooking up with someone new (or just having decent sex in general). Here are the things you need to think about before penetration:

THE PROS
  • Real-time intimacy with a live human partner
  • No strings attached orgasms (usually)
  • Improved mood, decreased stress and anxiety
  • Erotic experimentation possible
  • Experience/endurance level-up  
  • Better appetite and sleep patterns afterwards
  • Increased bonds with attractive/like-minded people
  • Enhanced cardiovascular health
  • Assisted weight loss
  • Boosted confidence
THE CONS
  • Possibility of contracting sexually transmitted infections (STIs)
  • Could get rejected (repeatedly)
  • May cause unwanted pregnancies

As always, use your newfound ability to get laid more often with white gloves. Wear condoms as often as possible, promote contraceptives, and/or masturbate with high-end sex toys to suffice the lulls in lovemaking when no suitable partner can be found.

The Final Verdict

It’s all a lot simpler than you think. Knowing how to get laid takes some men several years of practice and rejection. There are no textbooks on this stuff, and few guys ever work on their game because they’ve found ways around it. However, lackadaisical sex gets old quickly (as does not having any sex at all), and old school methods just don’t work anymore thanks to the invention of the internet. Simple change your approach using what you’ve learned here and enjoy an enhanced love life without having to wait decades for it.

About Blake Parker

Blake Parker makes Ron Jeremy look like Mother Theresa. His honest take on allthings pertaining to pleasure and relationships has made him a household name that’s synonymous with sexuality. Blake’s unique perspective on toys and techniques prepares the mind and body for more than just an incredible orgasm. Hisentertaining sex toy reviews, buyer’s guides, and How-To articles inform consumers of what nobody else will say. His readers demolish emotional/physical strongholds, tear down social taboos, and become more comfortable in their own skin as he and his partner enlighten the world one sex toy at a time. Notoriety isn’t the goal with Blake; satisfaction is.