Your desire to be close and intimate with a partner is valid regardless of what your body can and cannot do. You get to have pleasure in your life just like everyone else and that’s because your mind and body don’t have control over your destiny. For a long time, however, many people assumed that sex was difficult or impossible for people with disabilities. Educational materials almost always used able-bodied examples to teach students about sex and a vast percentage of the aging population responded to the bias accordingly. For years, we lived with very few resources while nursing our blue balls, but the time has finally come for things to change. These days, incredible intercourse is more relevant and reachable than ever before, even and especially for people with disabilities.
Regardless of the uniqueness of your physique, it’s perfectly natural for you to want an intense love life like every other adult on the planet. The world finally understands and appreciates that. In fact, a handful of pleasure product manufacturers have started jumping on the body-friendly bandwagon, producing specialized positioning items and ergonomically designed tools for that very purpose. Unfortunately, the relative lack of realistic information regarding sex with disabilities has already prevented millions of men and women from experiencing the level of intensity they’re looking for. Meanwhile, about 1/3 of the budding LGBTQ+ community has a mental, emotional or physical disability and that’s just the people who openly admit it. Moral of the story: We obviously have a need for better data, better products, and more useful suggestions.
It’s also important to realize that having a disability does not define you, nor does it mean that your partner needs to be disabled as well. Inter-abled relationships work just fine all the time as long as both partners are willing and able to customize their approach to intimacy based on predetermined limitations. Despite what some people may assume, your lover is not a saint, they aren’t just “putting up with you,” and your condition is not a completely negative one. Being disabled is not some monolithic force that affects everyone the same, so you don’t have to fear the question “how do things work?” when you’ve already found the answers for yourself.
Understanding your condition plays a crucial role in the quality of your life across the board. You probably have a diagnosis at this point, but that’s not what I’m talking about here. Knowing what constitutes a disability in the bedroom is a completely different thing. However, let’s be sure everyone knows the official definition of a disability, which is:
“a mental, emotional, or physical condition that varies in severity and makes it challenging for an individual to interact with people or items in the world around them.”
In reality, disabilities can involve everything from developmental impairments, intellectual deficits, cognitive disorders or a combination thereof. Conditions can originate from before birth or develop over time as a result of various factors. The World Health Organization (WHO) defines disability as a blanket term describing impairments in body structure and/or function, activity limitations, and/or participation restrictions. According to them, disabilities are not just simple health problems involving one or two bodily systems; they represent a phenomenon which directly reflects the interaction between the human body the society in which we live. In other words, people with disabilities serve as a mirror for our collective progress and tolerance of differences (or lack thereof).
That’s why refusing to give up your sex life because of a disability is so important. It forces numerous industries to change the way they design and create pleasure products for the masses and it keeps the topic relevant long enough for things to change. With more than 10% of the world’s current population (or over 650 million people) having one or more documented disabilities to work around, most people agree that the time has come for us to start taking safe sex more seriously on their behalf. That’s not to say disabled people can’t speak for themselves, it merely suggests that our market needs to continue expanding according to the realities of our world – one of which is the fact that disabled people love sex too.
Sex has been one of mankind’s most treasured pastimes since the dawn of existence. It’s an extremely pleasurable activity that often results in emotional closeness and relaxation, plus it’s usually cost-free and completely customizable. However, did you know that there are also several health benefits associated with experiencing regular orgasms (with or without a partner)? That’s right, satisfying sex is monumentally important to a person’s overall well-being regardless of their ability or disability.
Modern science has been studying this stuff for decades, with more information collected on the human sexual climax than ever before in recorded history. What’s been discovered so far is that people need to reach orgasm as often as possible to live full, healthy lives. Interestingly, there has yet to be a distinction made between the needs of able-bodied individuals and the needs of those with physical limitations. Put simply: Your disability does not negate the fact that good sex is important. If nothing else, it makes the 10 following benefits of orgasm even more attractive than the honeys in that picture:
As a man or woman living with disabilities, the 10+ benefits of orgasm are especially helpful. Most side effects present no adverse reaction to medication and many of them can make treatments and therapies more effective. For that reason, it’s important to seek satisfying sex regardless of your physical limitations. And while intercourse and/or masturbation are both healthy and enjoyable pastimes, always be sure to engage in your favorite activities with those limitations in mind. Remember, though, that good sex is not impossible. It’s just that orgasm is a lot more advantageous to you and your partner(s) when you do it in a position that won’t put you in harm’s way.
The angle of your dangle can make a big difference in how easy it is to reach orgasm, even if you’re an able-bodied person with no physical limitations. Positioning is tricky for everybody, but it’s an important factor to consider because it determines the way in which each partner’s genitals meet. For many couples, the fight to find the perfect position is never-ending. You are not alone.
According to the author of “The Joy of Mindful Sex,” Claudia Blake, 52% of Americans say that they are not satisfied with the quality of their sex life, with over 15% of those surveyed reporting current ties to a spouse or partner. What if those numbers are due to the fact that we’re factoring out an entire group of people – those with disabilities – as potential romantic mates? After all, disabled people are almost always left out of the dating picture by mainstream media and society because we often forget that they have the same emotional needs and desires as the everyone else. But why is that, and how does it affect some people’s ability to have great sex?
Experts have been trying to figure this stuff out for years, with unanswered questions as far as the eye can see. Is this social injustice born out of the concept of the poster child and his or her duty to inspire pity to raise awareness or money? Is it perhaps a conclusion drawn from mainstream porn wherein the actors and actresses perform acrobatic stunts with the stamina of racehorses? Whatever the answers may be, the silent message still rings clear: The more perfect your body is, the better your sex will be. The unspoken conclusion therefore is that if you have a disability you are too sick to have sex. Can you believe that ignorant bullshit? Me neither. Here are 5 positions to prove them wrong:
This position involves both partners laying on their side in the spoon formation, with the most efficient and pleasurable thrusts being delivered from behind. Optimal for people with spastic joints, the Laying Side Straddle can therefore be used for oral stimulation as well as deep penetration. It’s also great for sex toy play and BDSM.
This position is similar to the classic doggy style formation, only it involves one partner being seated (usually in a wheelchair) with the other partner on top. Ideal for those with limited mobility in their lower extremities, the Deep Dog Pounder allows for optimized depth control while promoting kink, passion and orgasmic intensity through stimulating visuals.
You can’t go wrong with a little dual action climaxing, and the Classic 69 position was originally designed to be performed laying down. Get yourself into the Laying Side Straddle position and then go to town on your partner’s privates (or vice versa) without having to support the weight of your body. This one is perfect for people with whole-body paralysis.
This position is awesome for differently-abled couples who have a range of mobility limitations. It involves the disabled partner scooting himself or herself to the end of the bed while their able-bodied counterpart thrusts into them at various speeds and depths. The Modified Missionary position is therefore a terrific option for people who enjoy playing with sex toys.
Much like the Modified Missionary position, the Edgy Muncher involves the disabled party scooting to the end of the bed to receive pleasure. However, this amazing formation is designed strictly for oral sex – the perfect solution for couples dealing with erectile dysfunction and/or reproductive disabilities or injuries. It doesn’t require penetration either, although the position can be used for pleasures that aren’t orally fixated.
Before you brush off the possibility of having incredible sex with a disability or with a partner who has one, remember that sex can be modified just like anything else. There are more ways to get creative in the bedroom than many people realize, plus those new discoveries often lead to kinkier and hotter experiences overall. Dare I say that the disabled population is having better sex than the able-bodied?
Remember, back in the day it wasn’t cool to be a homosexual but now gay marriage is legal. Before that, being of a minority race was considered taboo. Now, interracial dating and family planning are mainstream. The newest conquest is in the arena of the disabled citizen, with it finally considered glamorous to date someone who has a physical disability. Great sexual experiences and creatively intimate approaches are decisively knocking on your door, with more tools, techniques and tricks at your disposal than is probably necessary. The only obstacle left standing between people with disabilities and mind-blowing orgasms is the procurement of skills, equipment, confidence and partners (and that last one is optional).
One of the best things about having a disability is having the opportunity to enjoy sex in a totally unique way. After all, how many of us have jumped in the sack with someone to have sex by traditional means only to be completely disappointed in the end? It’s possible to reach orgasm a million different ways, so don’t box yourself in just yet because of fear of unfamiliarity. Some of the positions mentioned above are much easier when you have the right equipment on hand. Interestingly enough, much of the gear listed below is designed and/or used most commonly by able-bodied partners.
Today’s pleasure product industry allows for extreme experiences that operate via technologies that are beyond our wildest dreams. Things like virtual reality and motion sensors are now the norm, but it’s possible to enjoy sex without going high-tech. Here are some of the most important low-tech and high-tech pieces of equipment you’ll want to consider acquiring:
Sex furniture is a specialized type of structure that helps support one or more bodies in motion. Pieces come in an extremely wide variety of shapes and sizes, often with forms that can change quickly based on the user’s demands and coverings that are machine washable for convenience. There are four main types of sex furniture worth considering:
High-end sex toys can significantly enhance the intensity of anyone’s orgasm when they’re wielding correctly. As such, many modern-day manufacturers have started incorporating components into their devices that make them easier than ever to use. And while the majority of those design updates have been made to attract the masses, disabled individuals can benefit from them as well. This is especially true if you choose products with these five ergonomic features:
To get a fully satisfying orgasm, you sometimes have to employ the help of modern-day machinery. Today’s stroking and thrusting devices for men and women are the perfect accompaniment to any disable person’s bedroom repertoire. Here are the top three reasons why that’s true:
Lubrication can make or break your experience, especially when sex toys are involved. As a matter of fact, disabilities have little to do with a person’s requirement for lube. However, including the right kind can not only make the experience more enjoyable for both partners but it can also increase the intensity of your sensations automatically. Here are five of your most tantalizing options:
NOTE: No matter what kind of lube you’re looking for, be sure to choose one that’s compatible with your skin type and with the materials covering the toys and sex furniture you’re currently using. For best results, opt for a lubricant that’s formulated with water-based ingredients and bottled by a reputable manufacturer.
Remember, your disability does not have to define you. However, it may or may not affect the way you initiate sexual activity (with or without a partner). A certain precedence regarding safety and satisfaction must be made ahead of time to prevent any uncomfortable or dangerous mishaps and that’s true regardless of your physical mobility, or lack thereof. According to sexual health experts worldwide, dissatisfied partners complain about the same basic things when they’re facing continual blue balls.
The only solution is to develop a technique that’s conducive with safety primarily and pleasure secondarily. Here’s how to get it done like the pros:
TIP: Have everything you need laid out on the bed within arm’s reach ahead of time so nobody has to get up to retrieve an object.
TIP: Be sure to talk about skin sensitivities, allergies, positioning limitations and product preferences during this mandatory conversation.
TIP: Set up soft limits too, with those being the things you’re unfamiliar with but are willing to try under the right circumstances.
TIP: Use the communication process to determine the best possible ways to experiment with different positions and sensations.
TIP: Use plenty of lube and pair it with the right sex furniture to achieve optimal sensations without experiencing pain or discomfort.
Having sex while living with a disability is no big deal, it just takes some creative thinking and an open mind. The world knows you have the same wants and needs as the average able-bodied person, so why shouldn’t your love life reflect that? Your positions may end up being outside the norm in a few ways but that’s not enough to stop you from experiencing all ten of the health benefits of orgasm. Simply choose the most seductive position from the five listed, throw in the right sex furniture to help stabilize your body, and then grab your favorite ergonomic sex toy because it’s about to get hot and heavy up in in this bitch.
If you’re unsure how a product or position will affect you, speak to your doctor or physical therapist before trying it for the first time. There are countless ways to enjoy sex and reach orgasm safely, so avoid injury, discomfort and embarrassment by reading any instructions included with the devices and accessories you buy. For more information on a particular item designed for sexually active adults with disabilities, read reviews and study buying guides before spending any money.
About Blake Parker
Blake Parker makes Ron Jeremy look like Mother Theresa. His honest take on allthings pertaining to pleasure and relationships has made him a household name that’s synonymous with sexuality. Blake’s unique perspective on toys and techniques prepares the mind and body for more than just an incredible orgasm. Hisentertaining sex toy reviews, buyer’s guides, and How-To articles inform consumers of what nobody else will say. His readers demolish emotional/physical strongholds, tear down social taboos, and become more comfortable in their own skin as he and his partner enlighten the world one sex toy at a time. Notoriety isn’t the goal with Blake; satisfaction is.