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Once upon a time, male masturbation consisted of rudimentary methods performed using even more embarrassing products. Swear to God, guys used to jerk it into stale loaves of bread before “upgrading” to much better things like hollow-out vegetables and tanned animal hides. Men (and women) have been searching for the best forms of masturbation since the dawn of human existence and very few things have changed over the course of history. We still want good sex and we still want it by ourselves every now and then. It's not the habit that needs changed; it’s the methodology that requires fixing.
Our species has certainly come a long way over the last few decades, but none of that matters now. After surviving all those caveman-like techniques and enduring the long, sad years in between when masturbating was considered taboo, it’s high time for us men to embrace the practice as the healthy and helpful pastime that it is. Aside from defining what masturbating consists of and discovering the ways it can improve a person’s life, the only question left to ask is: How?
According to the dictionary, masturbation is an auto-erotic sex act that gets performed on the genitals in a wide variety of ways. Its main purpose is to produce arousal, pleasure and/or orgasmic climax to the participant(s). Masturbation can be a solo gig or enjoyed with a partner, and many times it’s performed using high-end sex toys like male masturbation machines, dildos, vibrators, and prostate massagers. Stimulation may also involve use of the hands, fingers and everyday household objects, believe it or not. But no matter how it gets done, masturbation is almost always defined as a form of non-penetrative intercourse, whatever that means.
Most people just call it jerking off, so why not keep it simple? In fact, there are countless slang terms used for the habit and the stigmas surrounding it have long since been replaced by a deeper understanding of human sexuality and erotic expression. This has given a whole new meaning to the phrase “go fuck yourself,” and millions of men are now happily doing so while enjoying the plethora of health benefits that come with it. The primrose path that once led to brimstone and blindness is now considered the yellow brick road to optimal living.
To put it plainly, men who beat their meat like it owes them money have a better shot at being healthier and happier people overall. No wonder it was called the Dark Ages when masturbation was considered sinful. Unfortunately, it’s not about volume when it comes to this game. A guy can wax his fender all night and day but still never benefit from the habit because his technique was all wrong. There’s always a catch, my friends. On the bright side, however, this catch involves improving the quality of your orgasms so it can’t be that bad.
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They say a hand job a day keeps the doctor away, so why are so many men still ashamed of plucking their own feathers? It’s probably because our world is full of hilarious jokes about masturbation. However, the actual act is no laughing matter at all. The practice is not just enjoyable – it’s also good for your health and, contrary to popular belief, extremely helpful to your love life.
Masturbating is fucking awesome. There, I said it, and so did a clinical sexologist (yes, that’s a real job) by the name of Gloria Brame in her interview with Men’s Health Magazine. She basically came out and said that masturbation was a completely natural part of a healthy existence, whether we’re talking about males or females. She added that it’s safe and harmless as well, further stating that the habit should become part of the average person’s daily self-care routine. That’s the best news any of us have gotten from a doctor in a very long time.
Here’s some even better news for everyone, though: Masturbation actually carries with it at least 10 major health benefits, including but not always limited to the following:
A groundbreaking study conducted back in 2004 revealed some pretty amazing facts about this unique form of “self-care.” Apparently, guys who choke their chicken 21 or more times per month are 33% less likely to develop prostate cancer. Compared to men who loosed their trouser snake only once or twice per week, the more active individuals had a much better health report from the doctor. Interestingly, follow-up research conducted in 2016 taught us even more when it was discovered that the less active guys had unknowingly reduced their risk by as much as 10%. Those are some remarkable numbers, especially with regards to the delicate subject matter.
All I heard was that medical professionals are trying to warn us about the dangers of lackluster sex lives. They’re saying that regular masturbation can prevent the need for invasive procedures and excessive diagnostic testing. They’re establishing a code of conduct that can’t be argued against using moral dogmas or social standards. Did you hear what I just said? We’ve basically been given a carte blanche prescription to baste our turkeys every single day. Best of all, we’re improve our prostate health and insurance premiums while we do it. Hot dog!
Masturbation makes you a macho man, so get that outdated image of a hopeless loser out of your head. Considering how it can drastically improve the sturdiness of a man’s boner over time, fiddling the ferret doesn’t seem like such a bad idea, now does it? Add in the fact that your body naturally loses muscle mass as you age and you have the perfect recipe for a dick-saster. Luckily, frequent ejaculation through fervent masturbation can help reverse the aging process in a safe, gradual, and painless way. Say goodbye to hair plugs and sports cars, guys. The fountain of youth has been in your crotch this entire time.
According to a vast majority of modern-day sexual health experts, regular dragon draining can help to work out the pelvic floor muscles in a man’s body. The strenuous exercises he performs on his family jewels then become an investment in his overall sexual health. You see, the penile tissues need to be rejuvenated with oxygen to remain virile. Therefore, regular masturbation is often linked to the prevention of incontinence, premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, and even low self-esteem. Experts agree that a man should “call the captain” at least 3 to 5 times per week for optimal results.
Ever heard of the pre-game rub-down? If not, then you’ve been wielding your sword without precision and accuracy, my friend. Even amateur athletes prepare for a competition by properly stretching their muscles. Well, news flash: Your dick is a muscle and it needs warmed up ahead of time. Masturbation before sex is a great way increase the length of time you can perform for a partner. It more or less clears the carburetors and prepares the pipes for a long-winded delivery. It also intensifies your post-workout orgasms because it brings nerve endings and blood flow to the surface of the skin, plus it plumps the penis and helps you focus on the task at hand more clearly.
There are times when a man can’t last long in bed simply because he’s lost his mojo somehow. Rusty and overly excited about what’s going down, his penis tends to blurt out the secret sauce long before it’s due. It happens to the best of us, but the best of us now know that masturbating at least 30 to 60 minutes before having intercourse can give us more control over the situation. In fact, the founders of Loveology University suggest timing yourself to keep track of your progress along the way. Now that’s the kind of competition I can get behind.
When the human body reaches orgasm, a bunch of wonderful things start to happen. For one, cortisol levels in the blood increase significantly. That hormone, which is usually connected to stress and anxiety, actually assists in the regulation and maintenance of the immune system. So, when you have sex or masturbate to the point of ejaculation, you naturally boost your immunities in a safe and more enjoyable way than seeing a doctor. Hey, wait, I thought laughter was the best medicine. Apparently, now it’s all about jerking off. Don’t you just love the progression of science?
Physicians agree that masturbation can help create the ideal environment for immune system supporting bodily functions and systems to thrive. There was a small study performed in 2004 that revealed more data on that. It showed a drastic increase in white blood cell production among men who reached orgasm independently, and the change could be witnessed for at least 45 minutes after the event took place. If that’s not amazing news, I don’t know what is. After all, I thought God said it wasn’t good for Adam to be alone. It looks like Adam’s going to be just fine to me.
When was the last time you jerked off and then felt like shit afterwards? Okay, you need to go see a therapist. For the rest of us, we get to enjoy a boosted mood when we get done and it’s because of the way the average human body responds to self-inflicted sexual pleasure. As it turns out, manual and/or mutual masturbation releases a fuck ton of feel-good hormones and brain chemicals – dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, etc. The chemical cocktail whirling around in our bloodstream instantly puts us in better spirits, thereby increasing our orgasmic intensity in the process. It’s a win-win situation, boys.
Playing pocket pool is the best way to win. After all, it immediately activates the reward centers in your noggin and satisfies them within seconds. A few minutes of that kind of action and you’re good to go. According to experts, carefully curated climaxes are a lot like getting a drug-free shot of morphine-laced cocaine – all the fun with none of the detox. It’s so effective at boosting a person’s outlook on life, in fact, that masturbation and/or orgasm are commonly used as forms of persuasion and manipulation when someone’s being a stubborn asshole. I guess this means it’s time for us to start playing hardball more often, eh?
You know the guy who gets off and then rolls over to fall asleep? Yeah, he does that because he’s had a super successful orgasm and he’s spent. Do you want to be spent enough to fall fast asleep at your bedtime? Well, you’ll have to start bashing the bishop before saying your prayers (or after, depending on how filthy you like to get). There are so many things that promise to improve the quality of your rest, but who would have thought we had our own steaming pot of sleepy-time tea right there in our pants? Just when I thought I could love my penis more…
Masturbation that leads to an orgasm helps balance a man’s routine in a very big way thanks to the way his body reacts. Chemicals like melatonin and prolactin get released into the blood during sexual climax and then it’s lights out for many men when it’s all said and done. Those substances are responsible for states of deep relaxation and contentment – the perfect way to drift into never-never land. So, if you’re tossing and turning but can’t figure out why, it might be because you’ve failed to achieve your O-face quota for the day.
Living a long, fruitful life is a very good thing, but what’s the point in all of that if you can’t enjoy every step of the journey? Granted, being alive isn’t rainbows and butterflies all the time but at least it’s worth a shot when you can experience a wide variety of orgasmic pleasures along the way. Fortunately, masturbating regularly helps people rewind the clock with every flick of their wrist. Healthcare professionals worldwide have witnessed a drastic increase in the lifespans of men (and women) who habitually engage in self-pleasure activities. To put it another way, jerking off makes us damn near immortal.
Okay, so it’s not that intense, but you get the message. A group of Welsh scientists wanted to know more (AKA, they wanted to sit in their labs and beat it like Michael Jackson all day), so they set out to track the lifespans and masturbation habits of over 1000 men. After a 20-year course, the results showed that the men who flogged their dolphins several times per week outlived the guys who didn’t. Meanwhile, their prolonged life cycles get filled with more orgasms, better health and boosted moods. It’s like a self-perpetuating daydream that finally gets to come true, and all before he kicks the bucket. Sign me up.
Some guys might not give a damn about this, but masturbation can help improve the appearance of your skin. It works like this: Orgasm sends extra blood to the surface of your skin which thereby causes the blood vessels to pop open. The newly filled vessels then function at a more optimal level while also providing an attractive glow to the skin. Over time, the habit could help with the reduction or elimination of acne, fine lines, wrinkles, and even age spots. Name one topical product that can do all that and give you an orgasm at the same time. I’ll wait.
Whether you want clearer, younger looking skin or just a post-sex glow for your Instagram profile, there’s nothing manlier than showing off a well-kept complexion. Nobody wants a pizza face or a rash-ass. You’ve got to be tough with the scruff, so masturbate as much as you can. At the end of the day, the level of oxytocin being released into your bloodstream will either improve your skin’s condition or put you in a terrific mood despite it. Either way, you’re going to look much better to potential mates when you “know thyself” as often as humanly possible.
Speaking of knowing thyself, getting off with your own willpower is a surefire way to boost your confidence in and out of the bedroom. The familiarity you have with your body, or lack thereof, plays out when you make love to a partner. It’s much harder to instruct, communicate, and enjoy when you’re unsure how you like things done. Masturbation gives you adequate alone time to explore your body and define your limitations. After lots of practice, those annoying self-conscious behaviors that plague your sexual performance will no longer be a problem. Honestly, your new-found confidence will be borderline intimidating if you do it right.
Self-love is an important concept, but this takes things to a whole new height. Reducing your neurotic tendencies during sex is the only way to fully enjoy the experience, but the most commonly used techniques for that are ignorance, denial and hardheadedness. You can’t keep sweeping your inner issues under the rug hoping for a partner to understand. Mental health is important as well, and that’s why masturbation is so essential. Attract the right partner by showing them who you really are and discover that by exploring your body…often.
Yes, extreme sexual activity and over excitement can lead to heart problems in people who already have them. However, contrary to popular belief, frequent orgasms through masturbation can actually decrease a person’s risk of developing heart disease. Research suggests it might also reduce or eliminate a man’s chances of suffering from a heart attack or stroke, and countless reports show a direct correlation between orgasmic frequency and cardiovascular wellness. One study showed a nearly 45% difference between the hearts of guys who jerked off regularly and the hearts of guys who didn’t. Guess who the healthier ones were.
That’s right. The healthier group consisted of men who did the five-knuckle shuffle at least twice a week, if not more. Apparently, the perfect mixture of excitement and relaxation makes for one happy cardiovascular system (among other things). Doctors and fitness experts tend to agree that raising the heart rate for at least 20 minutes per day is ideal for optimal health. However, that’s not always possible for guys with mobility limitations. So, the next time you decide to stay at home and hold your sausage hostage instead of hanging with the boys to play with toys, just tell them you’re making the more responsible decision. You’ll have to find better ways to rebel.
Obviously, having sex with somebody you love is one of the most enjoyable and beneficial things a person can do with their spare. When that “somebody” is yourself, it gets even better. Still, it’s impossible to enjoy all the benefits listed above if you don’t reach orgasm. As if things couldn’t get any more appealing, it turns out that masturbation which leads to a successful orgasm has a few bonus perks attached to it.
Whether through manual masturbation, penetration of a live partner, or playtime with a sex toy, fully achieved orgasms carry with them a healthy host of surprise benefits that don’t always get discussed as much as they should. So, while you’re enjoying all the benefits associated with jerking off frequently, try a few of these on for size as well:
All this great news about masturbation and you’re stilling sitting here in health class like this is 10th grade? No wonder you’ve got a headache and a sickening case of blue balls. It’s not from reading long articles and lacking good excuses, as much as that probably plays a role. No, those things are caused by your failure to be creative, but we can fix that.
Knowing how to creatively approach masturbation can help you reap the benefits of it more easily. Doing so can also improve your overall experience by boosting the intensity of your orgasms, not to mention by naturally enhancing your interpersonal relationships and putting confidence where doubt once resided. The only dangers are doing it too much, and you’ve already got a ticket to ride every single day.
Ready to start living your best life with the top 10 most effective jerk off techniques? Here they are for your viewing pleasure:
TRICK: Sit on your hand for about 10 to 15 minutes before going at it, as this will numb your palm and create an extra layer of curiosity to the experience.
TRICK: Apply cooling/tingling lubricants for stamina training workouts and lengthy jerking sessions but use warming lube for enhanced realism and improved relaxation.
TRICK: Pick a manually powered sex toy that can be taken with you on the go, that way you’ll always have an opportunity to satisfy sexual urges when they strike.
TRICK: Pair an automatic device with a cock ring, a specialty lubricant, or a realistic orifice/sleeve combo for a thrill ride of epic proportions.
TRICK: Combine “The Stranger” or an enhanced lubricant with a new position to increase the amount of pleasure you experience in any position.
TRICK: Use an automatic sex toy that offers several different stroke patterns to explore, that way you can learn what you like without pulling a muscle in your shoulder for it.
TRICK: Use a cock ring that includes a grip on the balls so you can use both hands for more important things (like expertly perfecting your stroke, for example).
TRICK: Use a curved, undulated or bulbous anal sex toy to pinpoint the p-spot with superior accuracy and don’t forget to start small if this is your first time.
TRICK: Use an enhanced lubricant to stimulate your partner’s genitals while they stimulate yours, thereby increasing the collective pleasure and passion in the room.
TRICK: Light some scented candles or spray air freshener before starting, and make sure the scent is aroma-therapeutic and/or enticing in some way.
Honestly, if you can’t get off after trying the tips and tricks listed above, then you may have a much bigger problem on your hands. Erectile dysfunction plagues millions of men from all over the world, so there should be no shame in your game. In the event that these methods don’t work for you, however, consult with a healthcare professional right away as it may be a sign of something more serious.
The practice of masturbation goes by many names and has numerous health benefits associated with it, but not everyone can achieve a mind-blowing orgasm through self-inflicted stimulation. Through the use of certain techniques, however, most men can enjoy satisfying orgasms without having to perform for a live partner. The invention of certain sex toys has certainly helped as well, and together, these tools have paved the way for the male population to once again have the control in their own hands (just a little more literally this time).
Blake Parker makes Ron Jeremy look like Mother Theresa. His honest take on allthings pertaining to pleasure and relationships has made him a household name that’s synonymous with sexuality. Blake’s unique perspective on toys and techniques prepares the mind and body for more than just an incredible orgasm. Hisentertaining sex toy reviews, buyer’s guides, and How-To articles inform consumers of what nobody else will say. His readers demolish emotional/physical strongholds, tear down social taboos, and become more comfortable in their own skin as he and his partner enlighten the world one sex toy at a time. Notoriety isn’t the goal with Blake; satisfaction is.