We all want to have good sex. As a matter of fact, the pursuit of decent orgasms has been a key motivator for mankind since the dawn of time, with ancient stone and chalk pleasure devices recently uncovered by archaeologists who were just as surprised by their presence as the rest of the world. What we ended up finding out was that human beings have always desired better erotica, but what we didn’t expect to see was an apparent need for such products and activities. Our ancestors seemed to know a lot more about sexual health than we do, but how is that possible? After all, they were fucking each other with carved bricks and old vegetables.
As it turns out, there are quite a few things that have been known and understood about male sexuality for a long time. Thanks to interruptions from various religious and/or political agendas, however, those facts and figures have been buried beneath mounds of urban legends, misinformed myths, and straight up terrible advice. Now, we have a world of men who don’t know how to do the horizontal bop properly and that’s a crying shame. Fortunately, it doesn’t have to stay that way.
Coming out from under the rock you’ve been living isn’t easy but that doesn’t make it impossible either. There’s only one way to get better at sex and that’s to be exposed to it. But when you suck in the sack it’s hard to find partners to fuck you; we get it. The vicious cycle can end today but only if you use the tips, tricks and techniques discussed in this step-by-step guide.
STEP ONE: Know Thyself
First things first, you have to know yourself better than any partner or pleasure product manufacturer ever could. Both entities will often use your lack of personal familiarity against you, resulting in unnecessary purchases, wasted time, disappointment, and even sometimes injury. Those aren’t the kinds of things we’re going for here unless, of course, you’re into findom and BDSM from a distant, nonanatomic dominant.
Having better sex means understanding what you bring to the table. In other words, you have to calibrate your cock before it shoots. It’s only fair to your lover and it’s incredibly helpful to your bottom line, plus the habit creates an air and confidence around you and everyone knows how sexy that can be. Long before you start getting it on with a partner, become very familiar with the following 5 things about yourself:
1. Your Physical Limitations
Getting better at sex is one thing, but it’s another if it almost kills you. Know what your physical strengths and weaknesses are before formulating a performance improvement plan because, quite frankly, the entire effort will be wasted otherwise. Are you able to enjoy long sessions or do you need to keep things short and sweet? Are there certain positions you’ll never be able to accomplish or are you open to trying anything? Your partners will ask the same damn questions at the most awkward times, and sex toy companies will require you to know these things ahead of time. So, why not figure it all out now and call it a day?
2. Your Emotional Needs
Even macho men are emotional creatures, with needs and wants that surpass their basic physical requirements for strength and survival. Sometimes, guys just want to let loose and experience something truly moving. If that’s the case for you and/or your partner (and even if not), then it’s important to consider what you really want out of each sex session. Are you going at it strictly for pleasure or do you want to incorporate some romance into the game? Are there things you’ve been wanting to try or nah? Remember, it’s okay to be a little emo about all this if it means you’re going to bust bigger nuts and impress better sluts. That’s biblical.
3. Your Love Life Reality
When keeping it real goes wrong it can be disastrous, but this isn’t one of those times. This calls for blatant honesty, my friends. The best sex tips for men almost always include a close inspection of his:
- Relationship status
- Daily habits
- Fetishes and kinks
- Current living situation
Start the “investigation” by examining all the missing elements in your love life – partners, proper privacy, practice, etc. – and then try finding ways to eliminate the barriers between yourself and the kinds of sexual activities desired most. And while you may not be able to get everything you want at first, this step will give you an accurate depiction of your obstacles and provide achievable goals for you to work towards along the way.
4. Your Skin Type
Did you know that there are several different skin types in the world? Do you also realize that the skin you’re in may be playing a big role in the quality of your love life? Extra sensitive complexions tend to react negatively to things like:
- Skin oils from a partner
- Certain sex toy materials
- Non-hypoallergenic lubrication
- Abrasive cleaning agents
That means, if you’ve been living in vulnerable skin your whole life and often notice issues after sex and/or masturbation (by yourself or with a partner) then you need to come to terms with your derm and act appropriately. After all, you may have been lacking certain performance skills or turned down by some partners simply because your skin looks like it’s on fire during sex.
5. Your Bank Account
At this stage in the game you probably know that sex isn’t ever free. Whether you’re paying for a date, charging a credit card for online porn, buying self-pleasure devices or leaving money on the nightstand for a hooker, the rules of the transaction stay the same – you get off and the provider gets your cash. In some cases, the upfront cost isn’t even the final price you pay. Be frugal when devising a plan to improve your sex life but remember that things change quickly because inflation is real and quality is expensive. Don’t be cheapskate but don’t try to act like Daddy Warbucks either.
STEP TWO: Respect the Struggle
While sitting by yourself in that dark living room scrolling through hours of slow-motion porn and taking notes, try to keep in mind that you’re not alone in this struggle to have better sex. Men from every walk of life have had trouble with their bedroom performance at least once in their lifetime, it’s just that most don’t like to talk about it openly so the problems persist with no real solutions. What ends up happening is something of a snowball effect, leaving the world’s men unsatisfied or worse…unsatisfying.
The struggle is real, gents. Even if you know yourself very well, you can still fall victim to the 10 most common factors that decrease a man’s sexual pleasure and/or performance:
Simply put, if you’ve never done it before then how can you expect to be any good at it? Even the most popular porno pros had to practice before they got perfect. So, perhaps your greatest setback is that you don’t have much experience doing what you’re trying to do. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, but you at least need to be honest about it if you plan to ever get better.
- Performance Anxiety
Stressing about being good in bed is the best way to NOT be good in bed. Performance anxiety plagues millions of men, however, and it’s becoming a globally significant problem that’s ruining the night in bedrooms all across the world. Therefore, it may not be an issue of skill or lack thereof. You could be having issues in the sack simply because you’re so nervous about doing a good job.
- Low Self-Esteem
Part of the performance anxiety puzzle is having low self-esteem, yet so many men don’t know theirs is messed up or just won’t admit it’s a problem. In fact, some guys fail to perform at their top potential because either A) they don’t know what it is, B) they’ve been told about their shortcomings too many times, or C) all of the above. A poor self-image can wreak havoc on your love life, so get that chin up if you want any of this to work.
- Partner Woes
Whether you have a bad opinion about your partner or they have one about you, a disagreement between lovers will make consensual sex feel more like a chore than a treat. Partner woes spring up for a wide variety of reasons, including silly things that aren’t even that important. However, if your partner feels some type of way about you (or if you feel some type of way about your partner), the sex you have with each other is going to suck in the worst way possible.
- Boring Techniques
Those played out moves of yours may not be doing the trick anymore. Not only do times change but people’s expectations do as well. Because of the influence of porn, mainstream media, movies and television, men and women need more from their love affairs than they did a few decades ago. In short, it may be time to update your playbook, guys. You don’t expect partners to fake their orgasms forever, do you?
For millions of men worldwide, simple injuries stand in the way of their ideal sex life. Mobility issues can severely limit the amount of pleasure a man can give and/or receive whether he’s on top, on bottom, on the side, or privately masturbating in the comfort of his own home. If you’re currently restricted because of an injury or disability, give yourself a pass or at least have the patience to safely adjust to new ideas.
Bad information has stood in between men and their masterpieces for far too long yet there’s no end in sight. For many guys, their ideal performance is loosely based off of the misinformation they’ve gathered from one source or another. Men who think they know everything but don’t are the absolute worst. Don’t be that guy. Open your mind to new concepts for best results in the bedroom because some of the things you’re probably against are what will lead you to the best orgasms (Think: anal stimulation). See?
- Premature Ejaculation
If getting off is the main objective while having sex then why is it such an issue when a man does it too soon? Well, because it’s a terrible experience for your partner, for one thing. For another, it doesn’t make you look or feel like a very generous lover. Premature ejaculation is, however, a fixable problem that doesn’t have to completely ruin your bedroom reputation. Still, you have to be willing to admit that it’s an issue before you can ever dream of overcoming it. So, are we there yet or do you need a few more partners to roll their eyes after you cum?
- Erectile Dysfunction
Dysfunctional erections are a total pain in the ass, but they’re something that far too many men have to deal with on a daily basis. And while there are numerous medications, exercises and corrective products available these days, none of them are worth the box they’re packaged in if a man won’t admit there’s a problem. ED can stand in the way of an otherwise well put together experience, so know your enemies that way you can fight them.
- Peyronie’s Disease
Also known as “curved dick syndrome,” Peyronie’s Disease isn’t as rare as some would lead you to believe. Unnaturally and unfavorably shaped (or sized) penises can make good sex nearly impossible without some major methodology adjustments. If this is something you or your partner deals with, then you’ll need to take proper precautions and use special products to achieve the orgasms you both desire.
By knowing yourself better than anyone else and by understanding the most common barriers between men and the sex they really want, you can more easily determine which performance enhancement techniques and tools will work best. Otherwise, you’re more or less tossing your libido to the wind and that’s a bad idea no matter who you are.
STEP THREE: PERFECT YOUR PERFORMANCE
Now that you understand your own limitations (or lack thereof) and fully grasp the relative normalcy of all the barriers (which has hopefully made you feel a little less self-conscious about needing help), it’s time to learn what the pros already know. The good news is that being great in bed isn’t hard, it just requires a little fortitude, commitment, and regularity.
To say it another way, the following 15 sex tips need to be incorporated into your routine each and every time if you want them to be truly effective:
- Clean Up Your Act
Getting dirty is one thing but pulling out a nasty dick is something completely different. Put it this way: Nobody wants to have sex with someone whose crotch is a filthy mess. Women aren’t the only ones with potential stinky genitalia, plus men are notorious for having unpleasant aromas wafting from various other parts of their bodies at any given moment. Want to be a better lover and have more satisfying sex with your partner? Wash your sheets, clean your junk before every session if possible, and don’t forget to scrub your balls and taint because God only knows what it looks like down there.
TIP: It may not hurt to go ahead and do some light manscaping while you’re at it. Few partners enjoy a massive bush and even fewer like one that’s untamed.
- Take Your Time
Sex performance perfection takes some men the entirety of their lives, so you probably shouldn’t be in too big of a hurry here. As a matter of fact, it’s important to take your time because rushing can cause performance anxiety, premature ejaculation and even erectile dysfunction, not to mention a pissed off partner and absolutely no satisfaction for either one of you. It’s important to take things slow, at least at first, whether masturbating, having sex with a partner, or trying out new ideas because haste makes waste and that’s not what we’re here for.
TIP: Try setting the scene with a few mood supporting accouterments so you can slowly experiment without killing the vibe.
- Become a Good Communicator
It doesn’t matter what you’re doing in life. Communication is the key to success in it. Having sex is no exception, especially if you’re trying to get better. Let your partner know what you’re about to do or ask them what they prefer. Check in with them intermittently to ensure they’re getting the most enjoyment out of the activity. This type of communication is seen as kinky, hot, and helpful by most partners. The only time it’s not needed is when the element of surprise is in play, but those kinds of game should only come after other techniques have been mastered.
TIP: When you ask for a status update don’t be a nag about it, always use your sexy voice, and prepare to switch your technique without complaint if they give you alternative directions.
- Reach Orgasm Frequently
They say that a man who doesn’t cum very often will most likely ejaculate too soon when he finally has sex or masturbates. They also say that a guy who orgasms frequently can withstand several more minutes of hardcore pounding before his balls dump their load. With that in mind, try to train your main vein to give up the goods only when you give it permission to. It may require more fervent masturbation or more regular intercourse, but at least you’ll be cumming your way to success the entire time.
TIP: Look for a product that’s specially made to increase your sexual stamina through direct contact with the penile nerve endings or through internal optimization of reproductive functionality.
- Integrate Sex Toys
Speaking of specially made pleasure products, men can improve their bedroom performance in a split second just by incorporating certain sex toys into the mix. Modern-day marital aids are nothing like the ones of the past, with many of them now having interactive features that support long-distance lovemaking, surprise sexual encounters, and fully customizable erotica experiences (some of which involve popular porn stars and live performers using virtual reality and motion sensing technology). These days, men can enjoy a wide variety of different sensations while perfecting their technique, fulfilling their fantasies, and avoiding the trappings of sexual transmitted infections and/or bad dates.
TIP: Use a comprehensive buying guide to determine which sex toys are right for you because there are millions of options out there and you’re only one man.
- Use Corrective Devices
If you were wise enough to carefully consider the barriers that we discussed earlier then you’ll understand the importance and significance of corrective penile equipment. Things like penis pumps and extenders can drastically improve a man’s ability to perform different sex acts, not to mention it can boost his confidence and help him last longer in bed once he finally gets in it. When used as directed, many of these specially made contraptions can be worn in the shower or discreetly under clothing too, meaning men can work on their family jewels while going about their business like nothing is happening. Pretty cool, eh?
TIP: Only wear or apply the penis extenders and pumps that are most ideal for your unique body type, lifestyle, and performance goal.
- Try New Techniques
When it comes to having good and satisfying sex, the right technique is absolutely everything. Unfortunately, what works on one partner may not work on another, so you need to have several different methods and/or styles to whip out or you technically can’t consider yourself a pro. This might include the incorporation of things like bondage (or BDSM), tantric sex exercises, use of the Kamasutra, and attempts with kink, fetishes, or erotic compulsions. Don’t be afraid to try different speeds, intensity levels, and roles while you’re at it. There’s nothing wrong with a little experimentation as long as nobody gets hurt (more than they want to be).
TIP: Educate yourself on proper BDSM techniques and etiquette to ensure maximum pleasure and comfort for both partners.
- Study Pornographic Movies
Did you know that porn is good for more than just occupying the time while you’re alone in a dusty hotel room? Some of the higher quality motion pictures actually feature interactive functionality with high-tech sex toys, while others at least give you some visual guidance on how to perform certain sex acts like cunnilingus, fellatio, anal intercourse, bondage, and sex toy use. Most of the scenarios are completely scripted and thus lack any real passion, but where else are you going to witness these kinds of activities? Church? God forbid you up the ante by turning porn into educational fodder.
TIP: Overexposure to pornographic imagery can have the opposite effect on your libido and/or sexual performance, so please enjoy responsibly.
- Switch Positions and Roles
Part of the fun of sex and masturbation is the pleasurable experimentation that comes along with trying to live your best life. As the lines between male and female expectations begin to blur, it’s becoming easier and more acceptable for men and women to swap roles in the bedroom. This kind of kinky exchange can help some partners play with the dynamics of their relationship to reach the heights of delight. At the very least, a simple change in position can make a big difference in the way sex feels. The main idea is to keep things as interesting and unpredictable as possible because, quite frankly, you both could use the practice.
TIP: Remember to communicate your wants and needs before each session to avoid uncomfortable, awkward or dangerous moments in the bedroom.
- Utilize Sex Furniture
Thinking about new positions and techniques is super easy but knowing how to pull it off can be a huge headache. For years, men and women have struggled to accomplish the various positions mentioned in the Kamasutra to no avail. It wasn’t until the first sex pillow was invented that we all began to consider our physical limitations as surmountable. Now, you can bring home the bacon just by sliding a specially made wedge between you and your partner’s bodies. Sound like the opposite of intimacy? How intimate can you get when you’re laid up in the hospital for a sexually related injury?
TIP: To be more discreet, use sex furniture that’s either made to fit under the bed, made to look like contemporary seating, or versatile enough to take the place of other products.
- Figure Out Foreplay
The value of good foreplay can never be overstated. In fact, a session full of slow and deliberate foreplay can prolong the experience, heighten the senses of both partners, and disguise your unmanaged bouts of premature ejaculation and/or erectile dysfunction. It doesn’t matter if you’re using your hands, your mouth or a sex toy, be sure to set the stage with enough heavy petting to suffice a short round or a disappointing dick (just in case). Sometimes, a well-trained man can be considered an extremely good lover simply because he’s got his foreplay game on-point. Don’t listen to the hype; it’s not always about the D.
TIP: Allow for multiple orgasms (if possible) during foreplay to enhance the effectiveness of the practice and promote better intimacy with your partner.
- Maintain a Healthy Lifestyle
You need to know what condition your condition is in, brother. Hopefully, it’s in a condition to withstand high blood pressure, strenuous exercise, and shortness of breath because that’s what sex will do to a man when his performance is on par. You’ll want to maintain a decently healthy lifestyle: eating a well-balanced diet, doing regular workouts, refraining from excessive consumption of alcohol, illicit drugs and prescription medications, etc. Certain lifestyle habits can do serious damage to your ability to have sex, with some even causing permanent damage to your “Funk and Wagnalls.” Don’t take my word for it. Talk to your doctor.
TIP: Consuming alcohol before sex may help loosen your mood and break the ice but it won’t do your any favors in the erection department. Two words: Whiskey Dick.
- Get Regular Medical Checkups
First of all, people want to know who they’re sleeping with. So, while they might not ask you about your sexual history, they’ll still want to know whether your crotch is safe to slob on. You probably want to know that too. Regular medical checkups help you avoid problems while learning about the latest products and techniques for improving your sex life. It’s like having a sexual bodyguard on staff at all times, only you have to make an appointment and there may be some treatments involved. Either way, you’ll have a clean bill of health to present your partners and you’ll know first-hand how certain performance enhancing products work (or don’t).
TIP: Get a stress test once a year and don’t forget to discuss possible allergies, heart health, and prostate fitness while you’re there.
- Take Performance Enhancing Supplements
Back in the day, popping a pill to enhance your sexual performance was a fool’s dream. Then, we started seeing low-quality attempts at making that dream a reality. Afterwards, our society became privy to some of the most impressive proprietary ingredient blends, many of which can do things like increase stamina, enlarge the user’s cock, boost his libido, heighten his nerve sensitivity, and even improve his overall health after a while. It’s amazing what science can do when we put our heads towards a common goal, isn’t it? Just be sure to pick the right one because they’re not all made the same and there are still some low-grade stragglers floating around.
TIP: Some male enhancement products, or MEPs, are made to be taken for long periods of time before they become noticeably effective. Those types usually render permanent or semi-permanent results.
- Optimize Your Lube Stash
Whether having sex with a partner, masturbating by yourself, or incorporating a new sex toy into the mix, it’s important to have a lot of high-quality lube on deck. Lubrication not only protects the skin but it also prevents injury while making penetration feel like a million bucks. It’s not enough to just pick up any old bottle from your local adult entertainment store though. Instead, you have to carefully select your products based on criteria like:
- Base material (water, silicone, or oil)
- Special features (tingling, heating/cooling, flavored)
- Quantity vs price
- Bottle style and nozzle type
- Intended uses
- Partner’s preference
With a more optimized lube stash in your possession, you can whip out whatever surprise you deem worthy for the occasion and never have to worry about coming up short or causing an unnecessary problem.
TIP: Be sure the lube ingredients are compatible with the skin types and sex toy materials involved. Use water-based lubricants on everything and everyone.
Finalizing the Fiasco: 5 Expert Tips for Making It Feel Better
Time to finalize your approach and cum in for an amazing landing. You’re almost to the point where you can’t be told a thing about how to have great sex. As an almost hero, though, it’s important for you to understand what the experts only reveal to us in covert dungeons along rocky shorelines after we pass a riddle given to us by an ancient troll who lives under a hidden bridge. The secret handshake has been officially passed on to you, which means you’re now an honorary member of the Good Dick Society. Rule number one: Use the following tips and tricks to beat that pussy like it owes you money:
- Be Very Patient with Yourself
Keep in mind that figuring out what two very different people want during sex is difficult no matter who you are. The scene isn’t going south because you suck at everything you do. It’s because practice makes perfect, meaning you’ll have to keep trying if you ever want to get any better. Be patient with yourself as your progress, especially if you’re dealing with mobility issues or sexual health concerns that require treatment and/or special equipment.
- Allow a Little Input from Your Partner
Remember that person you’re humping? Yeah, they have opinions too. Their wants and needs should be considered at all times, not just when you’re about to have sex with them. As a partner, it’s your job to provide a significant other with a safe path to your awaiting crotch, and sometimes that involves being nice outside the bedroom. Let your partner tell you how they feel and what they desire so you can deliver that shit like you’re the goddamn mailman.
- Use Texture to Your Advantage
Sometimes, the same exact product can feel completely different just because it features a specialized texture. For example, texturizing on condoms can make the otherwise desensitizing effect go away. Sex toys made out of certain materials can allow for temperature play, pain delivery, and consensual body part restriction, plus the textures themselves can provide alternative pleasures when you’re not willing or able to because of one limitation or another.
Sensory deprivation is a great way to heighten sexual pleasure without having to learn new skills or buy a bunch of expensive toys. When the human body loses its ability to hear, see, taste, touch or smell, its other senses become more aware of what’s going on. If this little trick is used during sex with, say, a blindfold or pair of handcuffs, then both partners get a bigger kick and nobody has to graduate from Cock College for it.
- Practice Doesn’t Always Make Perfect
Please try to understand that there may be a few sex acts that you will never be able to do. People get crazy sometimes, so the world has seen far too much to remember what regular sex looks and feels like anymore. Don’t fall for the hype. It’s one thing to enjoy kink, fetish and new technologies, but it’s another to let it rule your existence. Practice may not always make perfect, but don’t give up and don’t forget about reality either.
Zipping It Up
Stop sitting on the fence. Being great at sex is not something all men are born with. Contrary to popular belief, even those porn stars and famous sexpots on TV had to practice their asses off to get as good as they are. It may be painful to admit that you’re not the lovemaking god you thought you were, but at least now you’re on the right path. After all, the human species depends on your ability to raise the bar when you drop your pants and you wouldn’t want to be responsible for the destruction of mankind, would you?
Remember, every man has his own unique restrictions to shuffle around – physical, emotional, mental, and/or occupational obstacles that need tending to before any real work can be done. You are not alone. The best way to tackle those issues, however, is to meet them head-on with an open mind and an enthusiastic heart. Because satisfying sexual experiences often require cohesion between the mind, body and spirit, it’s usually impossible to separate the three when formulating a plan to improve your performance. Keep that in mind when incorporating the 15 sex tips for men mentioned above.
Meanwhile, try to maintain an appreciation for the details surrounding a pleasant lovemaking experience – the environment, the preparation, the fine print at the end of the document. You see, sexual health experts know and understand the importance of practice and motivation but nobody is promised success without a valiant attempt. You must keep trying until you get it right or get satisfied in some other way. By knowing yourself better than any partner or product manufacturer ever could, you’ll be able to circumnavigate all the bullshit in exchange for a firm grasp on the awesome.