The woman you married was once the lucky lady of your dreams, but something went wrong on the way to wedded bliss and now your relationship is in the trashcan. It happens to a lot of people – about 50% of the hitched population, to be exact – so, at least you’re not entirely alone in your longing. There’s hope too. According to the most recent studies, about 70% of previously married people end up tying the knot again within their lifetime. Research also suggests that about 10-15% of all divorced couples will eventually reconcile their marriage. In other words, it’s definitely possible to get your wife back when you use the right approach.
Unfortunately, modern-day relationship experts think they have the key to reconciliation. Even scientists take time away from curing cancer to pour over social data, as if unlocking its secrets will save humanity from ultimate self-destruction. Here we are, though: A bunch of lovesick fools trying to win the hearts of our wives back like we ever had a chance with her in the first place. And maybe that right there is the actual key that nobody is discussing. Much like when we stare at a beautiful painting for too long, we must have become desensitized to her gorgeousness because we had access to it every day. Perhaps her gentle kindness was what allowed us to reveal the monster within, but I digress.
Every situation is different, but one thing always remains the same: Your girl is desperate for her knight in shining armor, whatever form that may take, and she’s hoping it will be her former or current husband (you) because, quite frankly, starting over is a pain in the ass for all of us. Do you both a favor and learn from your mistakes before they come back to bite you big time (if they haven’t already). She left because she’s looking for a brand-new start, so be the man to give her one. You can begin the process by educating yourself on the things that got in your way the first time.
Most of us have heard that half of all marriages end in divorce but those numbers seem to be steadily decreasing, especially as more and more couples learn better ways to resolve conflict and rekindle the flame. The American Psychological Association reports that about 40-50% of all hitched citizens have once pursued marriage dissolution. However, not all of those cases ended in a final break of the union. As a matter of fact, there’s about an 18% differential between the two scenarios and it’s because people eventually kiss and make up.
Nevertheless, even with positive statistics to support the validity of timely reconciliation, millions of couples still file the paperwork anyway. Thankfully, experienced individuals, relationship counselors, scientists and sociologists have been working tirelessly to pinpoint the most glaring risk factors that lead to a divorce. The hurried progress could be because it’s hard for nerds to find dates, but it could also be because we all have the same basic issues when it comes to love. Here’s what you want to avoid:
You’re sitting there expecting your wife to stay the exact same way she was on your wedding day but you also agreed to love her through thick, thin and whatever else life throws your way. You’re supposed to be growing old together – key word: “growing.” She may have experienced something that changed an integral part of how she sees the world, and husbands that aren’t around to witness that end up being married to a stranger. Unagreeable, illogical, or unfair expectations can take a toll on even the happiest of couples, so check yourself before you wreck yourself.
Couples with conflicting priorities don’t last very long, even if both partners are madly in love. Just like your mama used to say, go out and get you a girl who has a good head on her shoulders because pretty faces fade and complications arise. We all want a ride or die, but that’s not always possible or plausible. As such, some marriages fail because both parties aren’t on the same page about what’s important in life. And while neither person is necessarily wrong about their main concern, the two concepts need to at least compliment one another or the relationship is doomed.
One of the most commonly cited problems facing all relationships – romantic or otherwise – is a lack of productive communication. Nobody is perfect, but every marriage requires openness and honesty to work out. Would you like to find out a devastating or game-changing surprise after saying “I do?” Well, neither would your betrothed. Unfortunately, that’s a concept that far too many partners don’t understand, thus secrecy and mistrust creep into the bed and steal all the blankets. Psychologists also say that there are five things that further hinder the messages being relayed between spouses:
Essentially, you and/or your wife can be amazing communicators but still blow an argument or discussion out of proportion because of your lacking interpersonal skills. Don’t get yourself dumped (again).
Married couples don’t necessarily fall in love because they had a party every single time they got together, but husbands and wives still want to have a good time every now and then. Spouses quickly forget what makes their partners sparkle – their sense of humor, how they look when they dress up, what they act like around other people, etc. In fact, numerous studies suggest that couples who set aside a special date night at least once per month have far better intimacy and a lot more pleasure than couples who don’t. Maybe that’s why boredom and relationship staleness end marriages – girls just wanna have fun.
Not unique to married couples, problems within the immediate or extended family can drive a wedge between spouses, resulting in arguments, resentment and sometimes even divorce. Based on the most recent data, familial drama accounts for a surprising number of split marriages in America, with fewer similar episodes in other countries (for a variety of reasons). Eliminating shit like that can create a better bond between you and your wife, especially if the drama is coming from your mama (or even hers). Keep in mind that as long as you’re going to have all these people in your life, they need to get along (or at least respect one another).
Although it probably shouldn’t be on this list because of what’s said in the average person’s marriage vows about “sickness and health,” declining physical and/or mental wellness contributes largely to the divorce rate in this country (and abroad). Apparently, spouses don’t want to sit around and take care of someone, especially when they can take care of themselves. Furthermore, folks don’t really appreciate having to deal with avoidable issues popping up or serious accidents going down. And while common accidents and age-related problems aren’t included in the statistic, things like erectile dysfunction and decreased arousal play a bigger role than you might think.
Whether you like to admit it or not, money is pretty important in a marriage, especially if you have kids in common. There’s a saying that goes “poverty kills passion” and it’s true in a sense. Constantly worrying about cash, or lack thereof, can leave little room for romance. Plus, the added stress can decrease your partner’s libido and make them edgy about things they might not have cared about otherwise. Money shortages also contribute to the divorce rate by making it impossible for husbands to continue courting their wives after the wedding. For many men, the only answer is to create a special bank account for the romantic side of their marriage.
Transition periods in life are not for the faint of heart, and they’re not for some marriages either. Statistics paint an even uglier picture, with more than half of all unions ending because of a major shift in lifestyle. A partner’s desire to see the world or change their body, for example, can cause issues and complications if people aren’t careful. Modifications to your lifestyle as a married individual are meant to be slow and gradual, not quick and traumatic to your spouse. For most people, it’s often viewed as unfair or even cruel to make such rash decisions on your own.
Obviously, cheating is a big part of why some marriages end badly. The damaging effects of infidelity can be painfully long-lasting, and without the kind of unique emotional support and accountable lifestyle changes required by your partner, things will never get any better. Stepping out on your wife is the absolute worst thing you can do to heart besides stomp on it. It’s a proverbial let down that reverberates for years, all stemming from her expectations of who you said you were. Cheaters are liars are several fronts, with few chances to make things right again. Don’t let the ache of loneliness drive you where you don’t belong, boys.
When your wife cant trust you, she feels like she can’t love you. When she feels like she can’t love you, she will begin picking apart your flaws like a crow at a corpse. Couples that survive the trials and tribulations associated with lacking trust are rare, with most spouses finally saying goodbye after only a few short years post-nup. Trust issues originate from a wide variety of sources, not just infidelity and lying. Sometimes, a wife can feel let down so many times that she begins to doubt everything her man says. It’s a slippery slope from there, and most husbands have a hard time climbing back up.
Over time, some couples become complacent about the partner they’ve picked. They no longer get excited when they see their betrothed unclothed. They feel no funny tingles when they’re sensually touched. They refuse to engage in sexual activity because they’re never in the mood. In some cases, it’s due to a health concern that can be address. Other times, it’s the result of fading good looks and/or bad attitudes. Nobody stays attractive forever, but married couples who lose attraction for one another are screwed (and not in a good way). Fortunately, the issue is almost always a mental or emotional one, so it can be fixed with the right approach.
Who would want to stay married someone who can’t get you off? After all, people joke about marriage as being an unfortunate situation wherein you have sex with the same person for the rest of your life. Does it have to get worse than that? Men who can’t perform in the bedroom have a 50% chance of losing the woman of their dreams, and closed-minded guys might as well just jerk off and be done with it. No woman on the planet desires a dude who’s rude, crude or a prude, meaning unsatisfying sex accounts for a large portion of today’s most frustrated divorcee population. Can someone say “cougar?”
Experts also say that there are some lesser known reasons why marital bliss turns into a matrimonial nightmare for some couples. If you can help it, you’ll want to steer clear from these things too. If not, you’ll have to find creative ways to make up for it and we’ll talk about that later. It’s complicated. For now, let’s just make sure your path is clear by honestly considering whether any of the following 5 unseen “situations” are true for your marriage:
Psychologists and marriage experts suggest that couples intending to tie the knot should date for at least one calendar year to get a good idea of who their betrothed really is. Those who give the relationship ample time to develop enjoy a 20% reduction in their chance of future divorce or separation from their spouse, with couples who dating for two or more years experiencing even more of a benefit.
NOTE: These figures don’t apply to everyone, as age and emotional maturity play a big part in how much or little the length of the courtship affects the marriage.
On the other end of the spectrum are the couples who wait an inordinate amount of time to make a commitment. The extremely lengthy courtship allows for intense familiarity, sure, but that familiarity can breed issues that either can’t be solved as an unmarried couple or that cause resentment and other problems later on. Once the marriage begins, there’s already baggage waiting at the door. No bueno.
NOTE: The average couple in American waits about 2-4 years before walking down the aisle.The average couple in American waits about 2-4 years before walking down the aisle.
There’s no poll to support this advice but take it from me: Women want to have a nice wedding because most of them have been dreaming about the day since they were kids. While us guys were crashing bikes and taking hikes, they were planning their big day with girlfriends and imagining what their future last name would be. It may seem lame to you, but that doesn’t mean you can get away with make the wedding lame too.
NOTE: A nice wedding doesn’t have to be expensive, and your willingness to plan or be creative is a big turn-on.
When you start out hot and heavy, you have nowhere to go from there. That’s why your mothers told you to take it slow, dumb-dumb. Some of the sexiest marriages fail because they were too intense in the beginning, so when the inevitable lull kicked in, they had no idea how to handle each other. It’s a very sad thing indeed, and it can be the end of something that was once on fire. Spread the love around, guys. You’ve got plenty of oil to burn.
NOTE: PDAs are nice and all, but save some of that shit for the bedroom why don’t ya?
Sometimes life hands us lemons and there’s no damn way we can make lemonade. Tragedies are a part of existence, but they can wreak havoc on marriages that are strong enough to weather the storm. Even couples with great communication skills and plenty of love to go around tend to suffer when something horrible happens. It’s just how the balls rolls when you spend years of your life with someone, so make sure that’s not where the balls lands.
NOTE: Deaths in the family can be especially hard to get over, so be extra sensitive and exercise loads of patience.
Keep in mind that you don’t have to be the best thing since sliced bread to win your wife back. You probably weren’t that much of a catch in the first place to be honest. And most likely, all she wants is for you to be the man you said you were when she was falling in love. Chances are, you know exactly what that means. If not, keep reading.
Whew, I’m sure glad that’s over. Discussing all the ways your marriage can come tumbling to the ground is some depressing shit. If all we need is love, some of us have some serious work to do. Self-awareness looks good on a man, especially when it’s paired with a sense of desperation, brokenness and determination. Chicks dig a guy who knows what he wants, so make sure she knows that what you want is her by memorizing the following tips and tricks:
Do things really have to go back to the way they were before the separation? I mean, those are the same circumstances that drove your beloved from your arms in the first place. Maybe she doesn’t want to put things back in order; maybe she wants to fuck shit up. Perhaps when you say, “I want us back” she shutters at the thought because, quite frankly, you were a blindsided asshole and she’s trying to distance herself from that douchebag as much as possible. It happens, but you’ve got to change your perspective on the marriage if you ever want to fix her opinion of you. By the way, this might involve agreeing to things you might have scoffed at before.
I don’t want to sound sexist here, but man up. Your little lady needs your strong bod and steady heart to guide and protect her (whether she likes to admit it or not). Don’t believe me? Stage a break-in at her house one night and see how quickly she jumps into your arms like a scared kitty. Make her purr by putting her needs first, especially as they compare to your own. No, you don’t have to quit your job or suffer neglect (especially if she’s a good woman), but you will have to prioritize better, be willing to get held accountable, and learn how to schedule something special or inconvenient from time to time. See? It’s not that hard to be a hero.
Whether you believe in evolution or not isn’t the point. The point is that you need to start acting like a civilized human being if you want your wife back. Here are some of the main dos and don’ts when communicating better than a circus ape:
They say communication is key, but that’s only the case if you do it right. Get your wife back by giving her your undivided attention and don’t forget about the R-E-S-P-E-C-T, right Aretha?
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with moving outside your comfort zone for someone you love. In fact, that’s sort of the point to finding a kindred spirit with whom to share your life, isn’t it? Relationships that get boring or go stale are like old bread – they get thrown out without prejudice (unless they’re made into croutons). Straight up toss her salad by introducing some new hobbies and habits into the marriage. Get extra brownie points for trying anything that’s been mentioned more than once by your wife. Can someone say dance classes? I’ll go get your shoes; you keep reading.
Haters are gonna hate. We all know it, we say it and we claim to live it, but in reality, the hatred and negative speech being flung our way can mess up a good thing. Rumors fly faster than a speeding bullet and nasty people interfering with your marriage are the worst. So, whether the problem stems from someone in the family or somebody in the community, shut that shit down with a quickness for the sake of your wife’s honor. Doing so will not only boost your confidence and increase your rep with your woman but it will also prevent unnecessary drama in your household and that’s always a good thing.
It’s hard to take care of your wife when your suffering through your own struggles. She’s not always going to be strong enough to carry you, and now that you’re separated, she probably doesn’t want to anyway. So, come at her with an improved bill of health and achieve it on your own. Put down the bad habits, start eating better, get some exercise and see the doctors and/or therapists you need to see. This is of monumental importance if you’re a guy who’s dealing with something like erectile dysfunction, lacking libido, low testosterone, premature ejaculation problems or anything else that can directly impact the intimacy in your marriage.
You don’t necessarily have to wine and dine your wife to get her to love you, but she sure as hell wants to be with someone who has a little common sense when it comes to managing money. Spending time with anyone who misappropriates their funds can be a chore, so don’t let cash get in the way of tapping that ass. Create a budget that includes date nights, small acts of kindness and little gifts to commemorate special occasions. Not only will you have better resources to work with when the time comes but you’ll also impress her without stressing her.
What’s the best way to keep a woman hanging around for years and years? Make her an essential part of your everyday life (and don’t act like a complete jerk in the meantime). Your wife wants to be a major part of your existence. She wants to know all she can, and secrets are for single people anyway. This is your ride or die we’re talking about here, boys. Allow her to sit in the passenger seat of your car and life as much as you possibly can because, trust me when I say that she’ll find someone to put her to good use if you don’t.
You promised your fidelity when you took wedding vows, remember? I’m sure she does. One of those vows was to forsake all others, meaning to refrain from cheating physically and emotionally. Yes, I said emotionally. You can cheat on a spouse without ever touching another human being. Depending on the parameters in your marriage, something as innocent as a social media comment can be misconstrued as evidence of unfaithfulness. So, stop the flirting and quit window shopping on every street corner or say goodbye to your wife forever. Cheating, in any capacity, is not only wrong but it ruins lives and turns families into enemies. Not worth it, bro.
If she’s thinking about taking you back, then your wife is probably waiting to find out what you’re made of. She wants to personally witness a change and she wants it to be real. Giver her the evidence she’s looking for by creating different scenarios that showcase your best qualities. Are you a wordy guy? Write her a poem. Do you like working with your hands? Make her something. Does your light come on when out in the great wide open? Bring her back a souvenir from your expedition. You’d be surprised by what a woman is impressed with when it’s shown or given to her by the man she wants to love. Corniness wins this round, boys.
Sometimes the problem is you. Other times, both spouses need to seek counseling to help deal with unresolved issues. It may be somewhat expensive and it is definitely time consuming, but the effort is almost always worth it in the end because an objective third party can help iron out the details of a complicated situation. Some insurance companies cover therapy sessions, especially if it involves a family on the brink of destruction. Don’t wait for her to make the appointment for you. Set it up on your own time and then give her the details and invite her along. She’ll probably say no at first but it’s probably better for you to start out with individual counseling anyway.
This tip sounds fancy, doesn’t it? That’s because it involves extreme sensations and mind-blowing pleasure if you do it right. Enhanced erotica can mean anything from the use of couples-friendly sex toys and performance enhancement products to strapping on a penis extender for the long-haul. Experimenting with different positions is always fun, and everyone’s down for a little BDSM from time to time. Not sure what any of that is? That’s probably half your problem. Sexual boredom can turn natural lovers into mortal enemies. Now’s the time to get a PhD in your wife’s vagina because school is finally in session.
A wife is supposed to be a girlfriend 2.0. That means she enjoys all the perks of being your main squeeze while also benefitting from being linked to you forever. Unfortunately, many guys seem to forget that their wives are lustful women with an enormous appetite for life. They assume that the marriage is final, so the dating comes to an end. They couldn’t be more wrong. Don’t let the daily grind get you down because it will seep into your marital bed and take your wife right out of your arms. Instead, keep the memory of love alive by doing simple things like you did in the beginning – make reservations, pull out chairs, dress to impress, etc.
You can be thoughtful and sweet for a second, can’t you? Your wife is on the line, so you better be. Since lame weddings and lackluster receptions account for such a huge portion of the modern-day divorce rate, a do-over may be necessary to keep the marriage intact. People renew their vows all the time, with a huge success rate among those who do it as a way to re-solidify their promise to a spouse. What better way to spend your extra money than by planning and executing a kick ass party to celebrate this woman’s presence in your life? If that doesn’t get you laid, I don’t know what will.
Chicks dig a guy who can be counted on. In fact, most women say that behavioral consistency is key when sizing up a potential mate. Unfortunately, that doesn’t change when the wedding is over. On the contrary, it only gets worse. What you could get away with as her boyfriend is totally different than the shit you can pull as her husband. She needs to know you’ve put away childish things to pick up the responsibility of being her man. It’s a tough job but somebody’s got to do it, and they will if you’re not there to do it. For best results, my friend, tell her where you’re going, how long you plan to be, and then stick to your word come hell or high water.
Making these habits a part of your everyday life and injecting them into your approach to getting your wife back can significantly improve your chances if they exist. Some wives are more stubborn than others, so prepare for a fight and remember to exercise tons of patience in the process. Women see a crack when they’re taking you back and they run for the hills. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
I’m here to bust the myths and fuck shit up. You’ve got your wife back? That’s great, bro. Now how are you going to prevent the same calamity from happening again? Here are 5 surefire tips from the folks who have been married for more than 15 years:
The old adage that you should never go to bed mad is bullshit. After all, it only creates hours of heated arguments and tons of words that can’t be taken back. You lose sleep, you lose love and you usually lose the point somewhere around minute seven. Sometimes, the best way to resolve a conflict is to put it down. Go the fuck to sleep, you don’t need to have the last word, jackass. You can be right and tired or happy and well-rested. You decide.
If you’re afraid to say ‘I love you’ to your spouse at least once a day, then you have bigger intimacy problems than even I can address. It doesn’t hurt to vocalize your feelings for someone, even if they already know how you feel. You know you’re a badass but you still like getting high fives, don’t you? Yeah, it’s the same thing. Give that girl some skin, yo.
Breaking up is hard to do, but it’s even more difficult when the two of you share the same emotional baggage. Get involved with the things she cares about and do your best to commemorate special occasions alongside her (and your kids if you have them). Just like it’s sexy for a woman to work on a car, it’s sexy for a man to work on a scrapbook.
They say laughter is the best medicine, and couples that giggle together wiggle together if you know what I mean. Laughing releases dopamine, endorphins and serotonin into the blood stream which elevates a person’s mood and increases their arousal in numerous ways. Making your magpie sing by cracking jokes, taking her to comedy clubs, or watching funny TV shows and movies on the couch together. And hey, don’t forget to cuddle up.
It’s only sexual harassment if you’re ugly…or, I guess, if she doesn’t want you. This is your wife, though. She wants the D and you both know it. Now that she’s back in your life, slang the wang as often as possible and then pay her mad compliments in private and out in public, especially when you’re around people who are notorious for giving her a hard time. You need to start acting like you’re her biggest fan, Snapchat-ready and all.
It’s one thing to achieve your goals and get your wife back. It’s another to stay at the top of the mountain once you get there. Keeping your marriage alive takes a lot of work, so don’t be a lazy fuck about all this. If you need motivation or inspiration to carry on, just picture your wife with another man and that aught to do it.
Your marriage may be on the brink or it may be caput. None of that matters though, because it’s only a starting point from which you’re about to jump off. Knowing where you went wrong is the first and most important step to getting your wife back. The second step is implementing an effective game plan that captures and keeps her attention for many years to come. You made her yours once and you can do it again with the right tips, tricks, tools and techniques.
About Blake Parker
Blake Parker makes Ron Jeremy look like Mother Theresa. His honest take on all things pertaining to sex and relationships has made him a household name that’s synonymous with sexuality. Blake’s unique perspective on toys and techniques prepares the mind and body for more than just an incredible orgasm. His entertaining sex toy reviews, buyer’s guides, and How-To articles inform consumers of what nobody else will say. His readers demolish emotional/physical strongholds, tear down social taboos, become more comfortable in their own skin, and laugh along the way. Notoriety isn’t the goal with Blake; satisfaction is.