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Sex dolls: You've seen them being given as gag gifts in just about every college comedy movie since the dawn of Hollywood. People constantly purchase these things because they're A) practical for a wide variety of reasons, B) sexy as all get out (most of the time), and C) an amazing substitute for a missing lover. Sex dolls act as an alternative to hands-on masturbation but they can't do everything a natural person could. Still, guys (and gals) who seek sexual gratification on demand often reach for lifelike replicas, many of which are full sized and fit with features that make them more attractive than our partners. There was once a movie called "Lars and the Real Girl" about a guy who fell in love with his semi-realistic doll named Bianca, and as much as I think Lars was a complete nutcase, I can see how a high-end products could do that to a man in his unique situation. So while we may not all be lonely social rejects or desperate perverts with nothing better to do, finding a decent sex doll is still a legit thing to worry about.
The trouble is that there aren't very many high-quality options to choose from, even now as the sex toy industry booms with variety and technology. Our market seems to be stalled out, with only a handful of products to explore and several of those being little more than the corny blow-up dolls we've seen in every bad film since the '70's. The disparity between high-end and low-end is so drastic that it begs for an affordable middle ground, yet all we get are heavy, expensive dolls or weightless fuck balloons with eager assholes. The only way we'll ever make it through this shit is if we start thinking outside the box and we can do that simply by considering the possible pleasures and practicality of these top 7 sex dolls (or whatever you want to call them).
The Autoblow A.I., which just so happens to be the world's very first automatic oral sex simulation device equipped with artificial intelligence, blows most other dolls out of the water (literally). It's a smooth operator despite the fact that it lacks the exciting visuals that often accompany standard sex dolls. No pubes, no nipples, no panties included. When you use this bad boy you're taken to nirvana using the depths of your imagination only, yet most people claim the performance feels a lot like the real thing. Its skin-like sleeve texture, the durable motor, the sleek and ergonomic casing - it all adds up to be one sensational son of a bitch (and not just a bitch in general).
The machine itself features 10 different settings, one of which automatically switches up the program until either you get off or you unplug it from the wall. With no charging apparatuses required and little maintenance to schedule, the high-tech Autoblow A.I. offers simplicity where most would expect to find complexity and frustration. Best of all, the stroker is lightweight, compact, and features a sleeve with lip-like detailing so you can still pretend to have a girlfriend who's willing to suck your dick. Hey, we can all dream, can't we?
As one of the most luxurious sex dolls on the planet, this hot and bothered beauty comes ready to go and ripe for the plucking straight out of the box. She's got some of the best physical features on any human body yet she's made out of completely synthetic materials and does exactly what you say without complaint. Meanwhile, her malleable facial expressions, silky hair, lifelike skin, and pretty detailing bring that booty to life and those 30DD tits don't hurt either. You get two holes to explore and a bonus orifice where she can take it to the face when you're in the mood. Plus, she's Becca's got one hell of a tight pussy if I do say so myself.
She measures just over 5 feet tall with a sleek and slender frame that can be posed in any position your little heart and throbbing cock desire. In fact, this little lady fits the bill for any sexual fantasy because she's complete from head to toe - and by that I mean she's even got cute, size 4.5 feet that can be used as fodder for your foot fetish. The only real limitations are centered on budgets, storage, and supplies. She's rather expensive, somewhat hard to store safely, and can only be used with silicone-based personal lubricants.
A lot of men want to enjoy prime time with a posing sex doll and there's nothing wrong with that at all. The bad news is that good dolls can be hard to find (and even harder to store once you get them home). Not only does the THRUST Pro Elite Roxy obediently sit, stand, lay, or crouch in various positions but she's surprisingly lightweight given the fact that she's got a full-blown skeleton and the same anatomical parts as a real girl. Lars would be in Heaven right not, but instead he's busy fucking a live woman with comparatively low sexual stamina. Roxy never lies to you, never asks for cab fare, and seldom wants to cuddle but she won't be making you a post-sex sandwich anytime soon either.
Her beautifully erect nipples are poised for the sucking though, and her innocent facial expression makes you want to corrupt her immediately. Meanwhile, she's got long locks of raven hair cascading down her back and possesses lifelike digits to paint, play with, and/or massage. Her tight, textured orifices are angled for your dangle and she's even got screws in her feet to help keep her steady. If you could design the perfect woman, she'd most likely look, feel, and behave a lot like Ms. Roxy, even though neither the doll nor a live woman comes with lingerie or lube and both are difficult to hide.
*NOTE: Also available in blonde Natalia.
You want to know what's better than slamming the muff on a full-sized sex doll? Getting that same amazing, realistic action from a handheld pocket pussy, that's what. The makers of the MANGASM Vagina Contest Strokers weren't playing around when they launched the world's very first Pussy Beauty Competition and most people would be surprised by how many entries the judges received. After much deliberation it was settled: Nell, Jenny, and Anita were the reining champions, as theirs were the most attractive twats in all the land. Kudos to those ladies and cheers to all the men who are currently fucking them vicariously.
These innovative and groundbreaking toys features a clear, magnifying handle for maximum voyeuristic adventures and if that wasn't enough, each one is replicated to within .1 mm of the actual source model so you know they're lovely and legit. The sleeves are crafted out of the industry's best hypoallergenic, skin-like silicone so they're a one-size-fits-all crew of cock-swallowing greatness. Buy one, buy two, or collect all three to become proud member of the Brotherhood of Traveling Taints. Where we go one, we go all and these little pretties can go just about anywhere.
You can't always get what you want. But if you try, sometimes you get something like the THRUST Pro Xtra Naomi Vibrating Blow-up Doll and just call it a day. This is certainly not the most luxurious product on the market and its lack of realistic detailing is immediately noticeable. However, Naomi is lovely lady who provides you with three good holes to explore and that's good news no matter who you are. After being properly inflated, she's got bouncing breasts and curvy hips to hold onto. Meanwhile, the magic between her legs is completely removable for easy cleaning and variety.
At the same time, THRUST's Naomi doll features a vibrating bullet with a wired remote for external control. The vibe offers 3 different speeds and 7 distinct pleasure patterns plus the manufacturer throws in a free foot pump so you can start doing the horizontal bop as soon as possible. On the other hand, you might be slightly disappointed by the dimensions of the masturbation chambers but look at it this way: You never have to request permission to enter and it won't stop until you're done. If you ask me, that's a decent trade.
It doesn't get much simpler than this, folks. The Horny Quella Inflatable Sex Doll is about a rudimentary as you can get without just humping a pillow. She skates the fine line between luxurious realism and acceptable cheapness, with only the parts that matter and none of the ones that don't. After all, nobody wants to ruin a high-end sex doll with their insatiable appetites, so Quella quells your urges while keeping thoughts of long-term consequences at bay. She may not be the prettiest girl in class, but boy can she make a man squeal. For that reason alone, she's getting asked to sign my yearbook.
Unlike other blow-up dolls for sex, this one measures a rather large 5 feet, 7 inches in total height. Her long legs and slender waist are perfectly positioned for gripping and her 3D Rotocasted head is topped with tussles of brunette hair (although none can be found on her genitals, but whatever). She's got hands and feet made from the same stuff, three textured holes to abuse, and a removable vibrating bullet just in case you get bored. On top of that, Quella includes a foot pump, a storage bag, material renewal powder, and even a puncture repair kit so you never have to break up.
Ideal men have perfect wash-board abs but obedient partners are more worried about performances than appearances. The Pipedream Gladiator Man stands at attention and even offers lip service if you kiss him right. Rumor has it, he can perform his feats of fantasy whether he's inflated or not, meaning his dual dildo design is ideal for all occasions and a terrific addition to kinky couple's playtime. That 7-inch dong attached to his torso pales in comparison to his tight anal orifice. Indeed, there are few things that the Gladiator Man can't handle.
Measuring a quaint and portable 59 inches from top to bottom, G-Man here is crafted out of smooth PVC plastic and is therefore easy to clean and maintain. And while his abs are printed on like a badly photo-shopped profile picture, he still has a tuft of pubic hair around his genitals to make him look like a grown man (albeit those are printed as well). The best news is that his rubbery tongue can vibrate and the O-ring slots for the dildo are compatible with most flared-base or suction cups shlongs. Detachable Penis, anyone? Yes, please.
Much like dating, picking out the perfect sex doll takes time, patience, and plenty of money. Most of the time, these things aren't cheap, and if they are cheap, they're not worth your time. Unfortunately, a lot of people have no idea what any of that means. How does the average Joe know what to look for? What are the signs of getting ripped off? To what degree will my friends and family make fun of me if they catch me fucking this thing? We've all got good questions to ask but the point is clear: This shit ain't easy so take it slow. Buying a lovely synthetic lady for unapologetic slavery may sound like a cakewalk to the layman, but anyone who takes their dick's happiness seriously will understand what I'm saying here today.
First things first, let's talk about what a sex doll is and what it isn't. By definition, a sex doll is any human-like object used for pleasure. Technically, you could bone a Barbie and still earn a sex doll certificate, it's just that nobody would ever be able to look you in the eye again because that's stupid. Legitimate models are almost always full-sized replicas of human beings and/or their most popular erogenous body parts. A sex doll can therefore be a complete or incomplete facsimile of male or female anatomy, meaning consumers can now "zone in" on their favorite holes or "zoom out" to enjoy the bigger picture. The industry hasn't yet introduced a sex doll with motion sensing technology, Bluetooth, or virtual reality (VR) capabilities but my instinct tells me that's not too far in the future. Meanwhile, modern-day sex dolls have become more sophisticated than ever, with a wide variety of realistic features and bonus performance modes to keep things more interesting than the relationships you're avoiding.
In this guide we will discuss the differences between full-bodied sex dolls and genitalia robots that look and/or behave like real human beings. The line is extremely thin and the outcomes are eerily similar, by the way. We'll also touch base on the fact that most sex dolls are geared towards heterosexual men and talk about options for homosexuals, women, and couples. Basically, a sex doll can be anything inanimate that resembles homo sapiens in some capacity, so the lines become blurred as soon as your eyes roll back in your head and manufacturers have had the creative freedom to invent some pretty kick ass models. Throw out the old idea that these things are lame silhouettes of eager beavers because shit just got real. Unfortunately, understanding that the marketplace is legit these days is only half the battle. You've also got to learn about all the fun features and accessories floating around in the world today, so buckle up. This is going to be epic (or else).
Here's something many of us already know but often take for granted: No two sex dolls are made the same. Even two devices crafted by the same manufacturer can have slight differences depending on the model, so getting educated about the most common features is a good idea for any first-time buyer or returning customer. The marketplace changes so rapidly that it's almost irresponsible not to freshen up your knowledge every three to five years., so let's do a quick, sweeping review of the current industry's offerings to determine whether the items in our shopping cart are even worth the click that put them there. Here's what you'll most likely see when looking for a new sex doll:
Obviously, modern-day sex dolls have a lot more features that what's mentioned here but, in the interest of time, we'll keep it simple today. The variety of options available isn't exactly stunning or anything but it's much better than it was only a decade ago. At this rate, we'll have robotic sex dolls and automatic prostitutes from here to kingdom come within the next few years. Keep your fingers crossed that we can add some SexTech into the mix before we're all too old to enjoy it.
It’s true that sex dolls aren’t for everyone. In fact, sexual apparatuses in general aren’t every person’s cup of tea but at least modern-day manufacturers are working hard to change that. You’ve still got to take the pros and cons into consideration when buying one because that’s the way the world works and nobody's willing to hold your hand. On top of that, mankind is just too diverse for one single product to please us all. Nothing is perfect even if it’s the perfect product for you, so think about the ups and downs before spending any money. Here’s where you should start:
You'll never find a perfect pleasure product so stop looking. The best you'll ever do is to locate something that doesn't completely repulse you every time you achieve an erection (such as in the case of your ex). Learning how to take the good with the bad and the ugly is a sign of maturity and fucking sex dolls is certainly a mature subject. Forget what you've heard about the corniness using of these products and think like a grown ass man with a throbbing cock. It's just you and the doll in there, so what can you live with and what can't you live without? That's the ultimate question here.
Now that you know what to look for, you have to learn about what to avoid. As mentioned, there's a rather limited variety of sex dolls on today's market but that doesn't mean they're all the same. Furthermore, a doll can have all the awesome features we just discussed but still be a total piece of shit because it has other features that aren't so amazing. Fleshy, lifelike, and obedient are one thing. Safe, sexy, and satisfying are something else. So, here are the the 5 things you'll want to avoid like the plague if possible:
You'll also want to avoid buying things from brands you know nothing about or from merchants that seem shady AF. Avoid giving your financial information to overseas vendors or third/fourth-party manufacturers. This might seem like a minor detail but it's not. We're living in a world full of knock offs and posers, so buy the real thing or prepare for disappointment. Oh, and stay away from anything that doesn't come with at least a one-year limited warranty from the manufacturer. After all, it's not like you get to try before you buy and mistakes happen even within the best of companies. Protect yourself, bro.
Expectation can be a double-edged sword, so listen up. Your sex doll will most likely arrive at your house in a large, unmarked box. The fancier and more realistic the doll, the bigger the container is likely to be. Furthermore, these boxes tend to be extremely heavy and too cumbersome to move without help. So, that's going to be a major challenge for people with mobility limitations who don't necessarily want to ask their neighbors for a favor. If discretion is paramount to you, choose something lap-sized or recruit an understanding partner with some muscle because you have no other choice than to buy something inflatable. Blow-up dolls have their merits, don't get me wrong, but it would be a shame for you to miss out on a mind-bending O-face just because the wrong decisions were made. If you ask me, size matters regardless of who you are.
And another thing: Only use lubricants that are compatible with your sex doll's materials. The code goes like this: Oil-based for sex with plastic or metal toys, silicone-based for the same thing minus the fabric staining, and water-based for everything else. Don't forget that you can't use silicone-based lubes with silicone sex toys, nor can you slather oil on products that perform tricks in the water. For the most part, water-soluble lubrication is the best way to go for everyone involved - you, your partner, and your high-priced love puppet. Also, when you hose her down after you're done, allow all her nooks and crannies to dry completely before putting her in storage. Two words, ladies and gentlemen: Yeast Infection. Don't even get me started.
Q: How do I properly clean a multi-holed sex doll?
A: The proper way to clean your sex doll will vary widely depending on the type of model it is and the manufacturer's instructions. Always listen to the maker before paying attention to me. In general, however, you'll want to thoroughly rinse/wipe off the exterior until all signs of wear and tear are gone. As for the interior, either remove the detachable pieces and wash them separately or dunk the whole thing in water if it's submersible. Another option is to spray or wipe specialized sex toy cleaning solution on the surface before letting it dry or rinsing it off. Regardless of your what your favorite method is, always empty ejaculate from the chamber(s) before doing anything mentioned above or else your efforts will be futile.
Q: Is there a certain way to store something like this?
A: Storing a sex doll takes time, attention, patience, and plenty of space unless it's inflatable. There's no specific way to put your products in storage yet it's important to mind the directions given by the manufacturer. For the most part, you'll be asked to keep your dollies out of direct sunlight and away from extreme hot or cold temperatures. Moreover, you might have to place them in a hidden spot within your home so be prepared to clear the way. Factors such as cleanliness, safety, and discretion should be carefully considered here.
Q: What safety measures should I take when playing with a sex doll?
A: Having sex with a doll is a lot like having sex with a live partner. The only differences are body heat and unpredictable behavior, right? Wrong. Playing with a rubber, plastic, or silicone sex toy requires finesse to prevent injury. Whether your doll poses freely or not isn't the question here. When masturbating in this way, be sure to secure your doll on a solid surface while thrusting or face the dire consequences of pulled muscles and bent dicks.As always, follow any safety precautions outlined by the manufacturer in the owner's manual for best results.
Q: Do I need any extra equipment or special skills?
A: Owning a sex doll is awesome because you get to customize a sexy friend without controversy, so the only extra equipment you'll need is your imagination and perhaps some hot lingerie pieces. I'd also suggest stocking up on the water-based lubricants, sex toy cleaning products, and air-tight storage containers, especially if you opt for a larger doll with an integrated skeleton.
Blake Parker makes Ron Jeremy look like Mother Theresa. His honest take on allthings pertaining to pleasure and relationships has made him a household name that’s synonymous with sexuality. Blake’s unique perspective on toys and techniques prepares the mind and body for more than just an incredible orgasm. Hisentertaining sex toy reviews, buyer’s guides, and How-To articles inform consumers of what nobody else will say. His readers demolish emotional/physical strongholds, tear down social taboos, and become more comfortable in their own skin as he and his partner enlighten the world one sex toy at a time. Notoriety isn’t the goal with Blake; satisfaction is.